Author S. K. Nicholas

All those times she slept alone while I stayed up writing and drinking. Succumbing to madness, there was nothing else I could do except to give in to temptation. The nights burned with fire, and they still do. I can’t rest like others. Can’t accept the comfort that’s worshipped with complete devotion by so many. Relationships seem so final, so end of the road. It’s not that I’m afraid of love, or incapable of giving myself to another, it’s just that I can’t give up the wonders of the night that shine so brightly. They say I’m selfish, that I’m a bastard for not caring. Yet I care too much. While others are sleeping, my eyes are open to every horror they’ve ever set sight upon. They refuse to close, and they feed my mind with all that it needs and detests so impartially. Perversion and beauty, dancing around the heart of the blacked-out sun. With the moon upon her breast, it drains me to think of how neglectful I’ve been, yet I’m here for a reason. I’m a writer first, and a lover second. I wish I could balance the two, yet I’ve tried and failed for years. I remember every embrace, it’s just that the visions in my head take me some place else. Don’t hate me. All I want is to become one with God, to cheat death when death is what surrounds so inescapably. Like a moth to the flame. Like a ghost with no home. It’s in the lonely hours when the words come at last. It’s in the self-imposed solitude when my soul awakens from an endless sea of voiceless misery. They think I’m strange, but I’m just after something more. I don’t wish to be like others. To fit in would kill me. To become what others deem satisfactory would drain the life out of my pale bones in an instant. What I pursue will take a lifetime, and it just might be that I’ll never find what I’m looking for. Heart and soul, and nothing less. Peel it all back, and breathe in the stardust that shimmers with every heartbeat. Not hidden, just out of view. There’s a place that calls my name, and maybe tomorrow, you’ll take my hand and see where it leads us. This is it- this is all there will ever be. There’s only this one chance to get it right, and if it’s missed, anonymity will be our epitaph forever more. If we don’t make a stand, then none of this will have meant a thing.