Author S. K. Nicholas

She gave me a blowjob while we bathed in lukewarm water, and despite my fear of cannibalism and the water making my hands resemble the skin of a cooked chicken, I shot my load into her mouth as three thousand souls died in an earthquake somewhere along the south coast of Japan. It made me feel bad, but when she pinched my nipples and cracked my head against the sink, my mood took a turn for the worst and such trivialities were soon forgotten. I try to be a good guy, but women always bring out the worst in me. They take advantage, and when they turn on the waterworks and beg me to comfort them, most of the time I sit in the garden sulking while watching pornography on my phone. Some would say I’m unfeeling, but I can’t be bothered. Just hand me a beer and stroke me off to the seventh step of heaven and kiss me as my bones tremble within this mess of flesh that grows older with every breath. Cut my hair and demean my attempts at salvation. Belittle this childish mind and make me into a man with no sense of right or wrong. Trimming my nails then brushing my teeth, I can see the skulls of all those left behind when I narrow my eyes. Looking through the window up at the sun, I can hear their screams as their loved ones are crushed in garbage trucks and their remains burned behind the back of Tesco’s. So many lives gone in the time it takes to write a letter detailing each and every one of my fantasies. So many memories dissolved as the itch for another drink grows and grows until I tell her to lock me in the cupboard under the stairs. In the humid darkness, I can hear her in the next room moaning. She’s using a machine to pleasure herself, one that lights up and looks like a lightsabre. Making sounds she never makes with me; I ask to be let out, but she just moans harder. Fearful of spiders and desperate to escape, I cover myself with a blanket and picture the victims of the Islamic State as they sat looking out to sea wearing explosive necklaces. She told me not to watch it, but I couldn’t help myself. The way they seemed so subdued. The colour of their blood as their bodies fell into the salty water to begin their next journey.