Author S. K. Nicholas

There’s a light that shines beneath her skirt, and when I lift it up, I catch a glimpse of the freeway and ten-thousand glistening shards of glass that hang suspended over a lake the colour of her eyes. Unzipping myself and letting her see what I’ve got, she pokes it for a bit but grows bored as I grow soft. She’s tired and anaemic. Or that’s what she says, anyhow. Looking at the buildings as they say hello in the distance, time is of no use to me. It never has been, and the older I get, the more it seems so defunct in relation to my dreams. It’s defunct like all the faces I’ve known, and how at each and every turn they tried to pull me back; tried to stop me from becoming who I wanted to be. But they’re gone now. Gone like all those yesterdays that slipped out of view without me even realising. Getting back in the car and covering her with a blanket, she soon falls asleep swimming in visions made from sleep deprivation and too much gin. The stuff tastes foul to me, but whenever she has some, it always puts a smile on her face, and that’s what matters most. There’s nowhere out there for the likes of us; I’ve come to accept that now. There’s so much that attacks; so many strands that lead only to dead-ends and false ways of being. But I piss on them. I piss on them the same as I piss on every single memory that doesn’t belong with me right now at this precise moment. In no time at all, I’ll be dead, and all of this will be over. These sensations that make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I blink at the moon- they’ll be gone along with everything else. Like sand on the beach; like the smile of a lover under a blanket of darkness at 3 am. As she unconsciously reaches out her hand and curls it within mine, I know we’re so close to something that will break apart the very fabric of what chains us to all we despise. Laughing at the absurdity of it, I can feel tears streaming down my face as the love of the universe explodes in every breath of air that passes through my lungs. The night crumbles as I’m reborn, and as she wills us into the future, we’re already there. Lighting a cigarette as my hands shake at the sight of so many stars in the sky above, I think of everyone I’ve ever loved and want to let them know I was never lost- I was just waiting until it was time to walk the long road home.