You Are Your Own Light


Brush your hair and scrub your skin. Wish someone wanted you. Wish they needed you as much as you needed them. Hide away. Avoid others. Cry some tears but don’t let anyone see, because to see you like that makes you weak, right? That’s what you always told me. But baby you gotta know that like that, no one else comes close. You’re as pure as snow and as dangerous as the written word. So stay that way. Be a wound. Be a kiss. Be the steps you need to taste bliss. Wreak havoc. Wreck yourself. Look inwards and know what you are then paint pictures and write poems about what it is to be your own enemy and saviour in the same sweet and desperate breath. Cut yourself off. Cut yourself. Open doors and step outside. Step inside. Cast yourself away and when you’re at the point of no return, touch yourself and laugh. Laugh because if you don’t they’ll be a day when you’ll burst like a balloon. A shiny red balloon bouncing down some road you wish you could walk again but you can’t, can you? You can’t go back and it hurts. It hurts for everyone, and it hurts for you. It hurts so much that there are times when all you can do is lie in bed counting the hours as if they were passing clouds. But then from despair comes elevation. From the depths of the ocean, you are your own light. You always have been. The light that destroys, and the light that heals. The light that guides, and the light that blinds. Use it to blind those that stand in your way. Set them on fire. Set the world on fire, and then link your fingers with mine. From way up high, we’ll watch it all go up in flames, and when we look into each other’s eyes, we won’t regret a thing.

A Journal for Damned Lovers UK

A Journal for Damned Lovers US

Anthology UK / Anthology US

49 replies »

  1. This is incredible and speaks deeply to me. I feel like you pulled words and thoughts and feelings right out of my soul and poured them out here. You are a magician, an artist, a priest. Thank you for sharing this. It’s simply wonderful.

    • It means a lot to me knowing it touched you in such a way. Especially that the words felt a part of your soul. There’s a beautiful magic to that. A magic worth fighting for.
      Thank you for such a lovely comment.
      It’s both kind and generous, and has made me smile x

  2. Wow! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I can relate to this feeling lately. It’s like you are in my head. Damn… I need a spark to get my light shining. Thanks for being such an amazing writer, capturing thoughts that are so difficult to put into words ❤

  3. “You’re as pure as snow and as dangerous as the written word.”
    Loved, loved, loved this piece Stephan. It is the wound and the kiss. It is the heartbreaking beauty of existing in all our fucked up brilliant complexity of being himan.

  4. This seemed like I was writing about myself and it’s the first time I am on your blog. This is brilliant and I am going to reblog it. Thanks for sharing, keep shining your light!

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