Throw The Windows Open Wide

There are times when I don’t feel like writing, but feel as though I have to write something at least. Tonight is one of those nights. I have no opinions to share, nothing to comment upon. I even lack the desire to write something abstract. One of those entries that just roll right off the tongue and focuses on nothing in particular. Truth be told, I just wanted to have a beer and watch some television, to numb my brain and cease to be as some terrible movie flickered on regardless in the corner of the room. But I couldn’t help myself. The urge to write got the better of me. It’s mundane that I’m writing about not being able to write, and I don’t care for the contradictions or whatever you want to call it that are on display. Paradox or Oxymoron? Can’t be bothered to find out, too tired. Today at work I realised how much I like smiling. I smile at the people I work with, and at the customers that surround me. Not all of them mind. A lot of them are scum, just human and useless. But a fair few are alright. I enjoy making people laugh too, to brighten up their day. Treat others and all that. I tease people, make them laugh. My sense of humor is at times childish, and also incredibly dark. Polar opposites I guess. Which reflects my personality. Easy going one moment, dangerous the next. I believe that you should make an impression on peoples lives. Even if it’s fleetingly. Leave a footprint. Spread a little love and fear. That’s what it’s all about really. I can’t be bothered trying to impress people though, or to appear cool. It bores me. Like the film that’s playing on TV. Some guy with magic powers, aliens blah blah. Be kind, be gentle. Be honest, be truthful. I couldn’t find the words earlier. She doesn’t know what to say, and nor do I. It’s all inside me though, everything shining so brightly and clear. Everything in its right place, all perfect and making sense. When it came to getting it out though, I stuttered and gave up. Maybe tomorrow it’ll be fine, the words in my grasp ready to give meaning to confusion. Sometimes though, when all there is is words, there’s nothing but a tangled mess of confusion. A kiss obliterates all. The gaze of knowing eyes, washing away sin. If I die before I wake, then I something something. I never was a big follower of religion. If I did die though, she would know my heart at least. I want to be buried at sea or shot into space. Or maybe scattered around the quarry. In some kind of heaven, I’ll dance with my daughter by the sea, the sun never sinking as our laughter plays forever upon the breeze. Suddenly the words are with me, but now I’m too tired. I want dreams of beautiful things, where the walls of purgatory have been broken down and obliterated. Where the confines of man made behaviour have no place.

 

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