More Things I once Wrote

I wrote this in September 2011

useless human. there’s no need for you, no need at all. jumpers from the twin towers, torn pages from a diary. one look at them tells me that it’s only flesh, no essence, no soul, just tight skin and mammary glands. photos never taken, childhoods lost in the haze of time. a bar beneath the setting sun, the insects out in force as upon the horizon i wished myself away, away from the dead and away from the ghosts. leave me alone, it must be clear by now. in dreams there’s an open door, it leads me to a place where i am completely and utterly alone and i am happy. i rejoice in my loneliness, in the knowledge i am far away from the scum and cunts that bring me down. a heavy heart is a sign that you should drink more wine, it’s a sign you should clear those bastard souls that plague you so. light a fire, cross the zig-zag tiles, throw the velvet curtains wide then pick up a ring with a diamond and wings upon it. don’t place it upon your finger though. in a phonebooth, calling cards that greet you, that remind you that your cock is too small. mine is flaccid, like a dead worms. i make no claims to be perfect, for i know i am weak, but what nauseates me the most are those that think they are perfect with a special p, for they are not, they are insect just like the rest of them. a holy mass, picture perfect for website glory. steady girls and funky friends- please fuck off, drown in your coolness, for i’d rather be dead than, oh wait, someone already said that i think. flashing red lights, the promise of purity, of truth. cemetery gates, poolside lovers. wrapped in teenage desolation, in the warmth of feeling, i lit a cigarette and wished that nothing more came of it. spinning plates, a feeling that this isn’t the end. there will be more, it can’t be helped, lets just hope it slows right down. bodies linked together. lobster, stuff and whatever. a white horse appears, then a lover at the end of your bed.

celebrate the killers, the bogeymen that lurk in the shadows. write books about them, worship them, blow their egos, but then tell us that they are scum and should be avoided at all costs. dont tease us like this, we all know what we want, for we want to fuck them, i know i do. lets drop the pretense, it’s all jealousy in the end, want and wished power. place her body down on the bed then obliterate her soul, smash her feelings to pieces, treat her like a blow-up doll. but don’t go dishing out sympathy, because sometimes they like it that way. it’s all taboo bullshit, i can’t be bothered with the insects and their lowly ways. give me darkened souls anyday. give me shedding skin beneath a chestnut tree. give me glowing eyes beneath a sepia sky. dance with them, lose your confusion and suck the ones that pretend they hate. generations of lonely men, swimming in their memories as if it were love. it’s raining outside, droplets of beer, droplets of wine. photographs of childhood friends becoming statistics, holidays in the sun, white teeth and blowjob lips as if it meant something. someone stabbed to death, another’s face blown off- it means nothing to me, but i’d rather endure it than pointless happy portraits that sell nothing but lies. if i could then i would. stretchmarked skin hidden beneath fake tans and designer clothes. feelings disguised behind a world of bitches and music videos. oh god, let the bombs drop! let sweet nothingness take us all away. give me food, let it bring me happiness. feelings don’t concern me, nor do the wishes of others, all i care about is food. and drink. and words, but other than that, there’s nothing else. lobster, steak and chips. dahmers infinity land. bundys sexual healing. bradys lesson in love. i know people that were born white but are now orange, dumb fucks that have the capability to speak english but wish to speak dumb. you’re not soldiers, and nor are you sweethearts, you’re just simple nobodies from aging wombs. cigarettes and lovers, real and imaginary. i’m not the man they think i am. my mind is beyond the fucks as they plan their next meal out. limbs of limbo. throats of the ones that wish. come pay me a visit, i offer nothing but reality, but my mind is full of dreams. i can’t give you money, but i can give you forever, just believe me and take my kiss. after that, everything explodes.

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