Tender

She’s curled up on the sofa in her pajamas. Or maybe she’s in the garden, sprawled on a blanket looking up at the sky. Light years and sunshine; comets and the taste of summer. Flies buzzing around her head, the hangover from the night before slowly sweats out of her. Sunday, the day when life and death dance their dance as she struggles ever on. The fragility of life, swaying like hearts not yet broken. Ice cubes in a glass cracking then dissolving. She’s thirsty and sullen. The trees try calling to her, but she won’t listen. Instead, she just lays there looking up at the moon. Pale in the vast blue sea, it hangs distant and lonely. Silently, she wills herself away to the rocky lands above. To leave it all behind would be the only wish she’d take. To strip herself of flesh; to let her soul break free of its jail.

The birds fly absently. Dogs bark as the hours pass. She wants to cry, but the tears won’t come. She’s numb, tender. Just a girl is all, just a girl. A desire to be loved; to have someone to call her own. To let them hold her in their arms until the pain is gone. All that elegance. It shouldn’t be wasted on the ugly ones. She shouldn’t have to settle for anything less, but when no one wants to listen, all she can do is lay there gazing up at the heavens. She did the same when she was a child. All those Sunday evenings with school looming the following day. Spiders on the walls and bedtime stories to follow. The faithful family dog running around in the garden; the magic of sunset such a thrill for a childish heart. She’s still the same. The magic never went away even though the adult world tried so hard to destroy it. She wants to give up, but faith will keep her going.

Insects and leaves. Dreams of rain; savage storms destroying towns and cities. Images flash through her weary mind. The end of the world and a mouthful of teeth falling out along with her hair. She can’t escape from pain no matter what she does. Drinking didn’t solve it, nor sleep. Life is cruel, but sweetness is never far away. It always comes calling when you least expect it. The love of someone who cares. Someone who looks beyond the realms of bullshit, cutting right through to the feelings that matter most. She wakes, but doesn’t move. Staying on her blanket as darkness grows, she’s paralyzed. But not through fear, she just doesn’t want the moment to end. The days that brought illness now bring refuge. Don’t let them escape she pleads. Don’t let me stumble into the unknown, keep me safe where I belong. The past, not the future. She’ll be okay. One day, happiness will find her. Love will set her free. But not yet. Long is the road. Long, winding, and always unseen.

Categories: Love

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