Journal Of A Lonely Plague Lover

Cute girls. Losers and fuck-ups. All the beautiful people. Boiling together beneath clouds and neon ghosts. My stomach hurts, so I have a beer to make it better. Galaxies, distant and barely visible, held beneath her tongue so natural. All the lonely souls, dreaming together in silence. In a sweet embrace, that no one will ever see. Freaks and geeks, the only ones who’ll ever deserve your respect. They are true, and they feel emotion so pure, and so, so seductively. Hushed pain, arrows of the human mind. They inflict, and they drain. They bring down, and they reduce. But only because we think we’re doing it wrong. Only because we think we’re not normal. We look at others more successful and put ourselves down. We think we are lowly, but we burn bright. We are all stars. Our souls to keep. The ones we compare ourselves to, are dull and plastic. Machines of banality. They cling to systems, to designs. They don’t create, they imitate. Their sex is hollow, cheapness personified. Banish all these useless wasters. They’re not icons. They’re not leaders. They do nothing but follow the lines. And oh, how those lines are so safe and luxurious. Piss on them. Piss in their faces and laugh like you did when you were a child. When for a brief moment, you were free. Free of restraint, and free of the grid that society worships with complete, doomed devotion.

Outside, the last remnants of light leave the night sky. All is darkness now, save for small streetlights and windows of yellow haze. My heart is calm. It reeks of sadness. Of loneliness. But, that isn’t to say I’m sad. These are natural feelings. My natural habitat. Happiness isn’t perfection. Awareness and compassion are. Look around, and make a difference. Show a little love. Not the love that others obsess over. The kind that sees them just wanting to fuck their latest conquest, but the kind that comes from wanting to care. To show kindness, when others showed disdain. Give someone your time, make them feel that someone cares. No matter what they look like, or whatever their troubles, lend them your ear, if only for a while. Imagine again, what it was like when you were at your lowest, and remember how much you wished someone was there to help you. A shoulder to cry on. A pair of hands to wipe away your tears. It’s never too late to show some tenderness. Humans don’t have to be machines or monsters. They can be dignified as well. Dont be embarrassed, and don’t feel weak. Be strong, and step outside the lines.

Lighting a cigarette, I sip my beer as a moth flaps its wings around a lightbulb that hangs from the ceiling. On the tv, a supermassive black hole makes my heart yearn for escape. So follows a cigarette, and memories of the past. I don’t allow them to consume me though, they make me smile instead. My dreams won’t leave me numb this time. They won’t paralyse. Instead, they’ll give me the belief to carry on. At times, we can be our own worst enemy. It might not seem like it, but it’s true. Sometimes, we need to take a few steps back, in order to see where we’re going wrong. Whatever happens though, we have to follow our hearts. There’s no other way. Laying here looking up at the moth, I feel some kind of magic occurring. Like I’ve gone beyond a point of no return. I’ve stuck to what I believe in, and now there’s no going back. And I wouldn’t wish, for any other outcome.

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