Author S. K. Nicholas

Don’t try finding me. I’ll be a ghost before dawn comes calling. Maybe it was just a whim. Maybe it was because the pieces couldn’t be put back together any more. Who can say when the only witness lays scattered in the dark. Who can say what we’re looking for when we ourselves can’t say for sure. We beg for beauty and freedom, yet we base our diet on restriction. Whatever happened to the future? Whatever happened to just you and me? The night crawls. It gets under our skin without us even realising. Kids blown to bits in the name of democracy. Religion like boyhood tales of Peter Pan. Pose for photos to show off your pretty skin. Pose like you’re something when inside you’re rotten to the core. You stink of shame, and you can’t hide it much longer. Youth is not within grasp. Those days you lost when you surrendered love for cheapened tricks. Too many people. Too much wasted life. Keep me safe in your embrace. Keep me alive in dreams and imagination. The world gets older. It grows colder like your smile. I want no part of this charade. It means nothing to me.

Wandering lonely by the harbour with no one to call my own. The waves call me home. They sing to me of a time when all was pure. Consciousness is a disease. It ruins everything. Childhood oblivion a drug we try to find again and again. What it is to be free of doubt. To not be crushed by a system built by mechanical monkeys. Happiness in slavery. They may like it, but I do not. It fills me with nausea to be tainted by those who surround me. By those who inject my body and mind with their parasitical values. Disgust oozes like waste from painted pores. Memories tell me that once it was different. That there was a time when things came naturally. Easy like childhood smiles. No tomorrow, only the longest day you could ever imagine. Stretched out to eternity, there’s no stopping innocent eyes. There’s nothing that comes close to the warmth of innocent desire. Write down your fears and place them in a bottle. Send it down stream. Laugh at all there is that is yet to be found. The lost are damned. There’s no chance of redemption for those who see no wonder. Let them be. Leave them to stutter in the face of God. 

Falling apart like a paper bag in the rain. Teenage rage so pitiful. A crisis of confidence when faced with stepping foot out of the front door. Too many machines unseen in the shadows. The me that you know is hibernating. He sleeps until the words come back around. The nature of my chemistry waiting for the right moment. These dreams make no sense. Nonsense is the air that I breathe. It fuels my desires for a state of mind where the tigers stop digging their claws into my back. Send them away. Snuff them out. The persistence of loss. The meaningless tapestry of lies we weave with a passion. Create an unreality. Breathe it in like the scent of a lover. Tenderness in a sideways glance. In the tickling of feet before bedtime. They say I’m a monster but I’m just a boy. The fool on the hill laughing at all the wonders we have yet to see. Bring me sweetness in the lonely hours. Give me truthful touch as sleep beckons us to the fall. On the end of a pier I still see her. Blue skies and seas stretching forever into the distance. The taste of lips in the morning. The way she rescues me when I unravel with no going back. Everything I could ever be in her embrace. Tainted futures. All those places we were never meant to tread. In my nothing, you were all that mattered. But it doesn’t matter now. Things fall apart. There’s no saving those lonely roads. All that matters is the here and now.