The Centre of the Universe

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These rooms. They attract too many shadows. Balloons tied to my feet. Crayons drawn on my pale face to make me more colourful. Horses sinking on the horizon. Cigarettes staining what was once fresh linen. Stray dogs and energy drinks at every turn. Paychecks for virtual blowjobs. Writing not as something spiritual, but as something cheap and forced. Faces that were once important now like old wallpaper faded behind an antique wardrobe. Their names escape me. Faith discarded like a paint can in the woods. Tyre tracks in the mud. These places taunt with their autumnal memories. Creaking floorboards in the hush of night. Rain soaked dressing gowns whilst searching for missing keys. Journals left idle whilst baby feet dance unknown. Gardens littered with snakes and rabbits. They crawl through the catflap then get behind the radiators. Breath so icy in the morning. It leaves my mouth like a ghost. All those alarm clocks ringing in my sleep. Skies absent of meaning, the calling of a youthful whim devours me whole. Books instead of lovers tongues. Vivid recollections of childhood trauma black’d out yet always calling my name. Figures beneath blankets and stalking dreams unhinged. They tease something wicked. They never know when to stop. On tenterhooks yet not collapsing. Petrified by the Mexican dead. They dig tunnels to run but somehow always end up at the beginning. Boulders crush the limbless. They sever all links to the defunct ways of being we used to savour so much. Year zero.

Restless like a dream buried beneath ten tonnes of dust. My aunt Alicia is unwell, she keeps screaming to the moon even though there’s no air left in her lungs. She’s dying like the light in your heart. You were an angel once, but now you’re just a whore. The pictures on your wall false like that smile you hide behind. A decade is what it takes. A routine of trial and error. There’s no saying what will save you, but it wont be another. Salvation always comes from within. By your own hand will you ride the storm. Masturbate artistic desires. Caress the vision that just can’t be denied. Red gums. Pretty dresses. There are no barriers where I’m headed. No one to control my darkened soul. I’ll do what I want. Taste all that I want to taste. Reclaim every lost day. Get back to that place where the light illuminates all. What happens is not by choice. It’s exactly what we deserve. Devotion to the greater cause is reflected back. All dimensions are with me now. Every single layer shining like a dead star. Madness, Faith. Whatever you want to call it, you know it’s there just bubbling beneath the surface. You can’t escape your fate. It’s like a mountain, immoveable and true. It’s like a distant galaxy, unchangeable by your skinny little fingers. Seldom do things go the way you want. You just gotta drink beer and carry on. Fuck because you want to embrace death but are too scared to take any chances. Back to the womb. Back to where you truly belong. Levitate yourself out of a mess. Look at what surrounds you, and destroy it all. Times hand can’t catch me. I’m not tired, I’m dancing to the sound of sounds. I’m the centre of the universe.

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