Author S. K. Nicholas

Anxiety leading to depression, or maybe it’s the other way around. Drinking doesn’t help; that’s for sure. All that morning nausea and fear of the future. The fear of stepping foot outside the front door. Being sick in the kitchen sink. Sweat trickling down my face as I curled into a ball at the foot of the stairs. Scratching my arm with a shard of glass to focus on something real. Physical pain over mental anguish. Such a circle of despair and nobody came to save me. So I saved myself instead. Childhood wonder can never be replaced. You either admit defeat, or you struggle in the banality of the adult world. Some take drugs. Others drink. You can sing a song, or maybe paint a picture. Lose yourself in the heat of sex, or disappear in the crowd. None of them come close, although they all have their charms. The trick is to deny everything. To be a soul free of chains. Let love and hate flow freely in your veins. Within and without. Be at one with the universe as if it were a lover. Death is the ultimate horror, yet it needs to be embraced. Reach out your hand and link your fingers with the abyss that calls your name. It’s an eater of loved ones, and one day soon, it will eat you too. But why should we care. If we’re free in our minds, then death is not the end. There’s nothing supernatural about living forever. All it needs is a little belief. So many people have been and gone. All those faces, some smiling, some hating. All those intimate moments shared by two hearts beating as one. The years get behind you, yet those moments will always linger. Beneath bedsheets and within loving arms, those sensations still shine bright despite the darkness that followed. It doesn’t matter if it never lasted- if you felt it, then it was perfect. If the blood in your veins was pumping, then it’s been written in the stars since the very beginning. Through winters and summers of self-discovery, the footsteps of history are forever tread. Spit out vanity. Speak freely. Think without limits. Find someone who loves you with no hidden agenda. Let them love themselves first, so they may love you back. It’s a golden rule. Be calm. Be vigilante. Just because others have more and have settled down, doesn’t mean you’re losing. It means you won’t settle for second best. Know what you want, and give everything you have to make it yours. Make it beautiful while you can.