Girl

jen

Piss stains on expensive carpets. Autumn leaves turned to dust between pages of explicit literature. Light a cigarette, stub it out. Masturbate to the sound of storms whilst stray cats drown in watery chasms. Smile at old photographs as your father sleeps the night away in dreams of cancer. The radiator leaks and drips water through the ceiling to the kitchen downstairs. Sunlight comes crashing in, the curtains drawn showering me in life as the stink of anxiety sticks to my skin. Scrub those teeth. Hide those telling signs of self-abuse. Noises strike me dumb. Tomorrow comes apart even before I’ve washed away the sins of yesterday. The years collect in the bags beneath my eyes. Heavy with death, they reflect how I’m feeling inside. Torture bores. Self disgust lost somewhere in fields of scattered trees. With pieces of the moon falling upon my head, my fingers reach for another sheet to keep me warm. Offer no resistance, don’t deny the crimes that we’re all guilty off. Judges judge our actions, but only a god can punish the thoughts that persist in the face of everything holy. No broken hearts, only the truth of our failures. Big nothings at the foot of the bed. Drops of water on the pages of my favourite book. The words bleed together and for a moment lost in time, the meaning is mine and mine alone. A troubled cure for a troubled mind. All the oceans drained and their secrets revealed at last. All those sunken dreams. Those footprints ready to be lived again. Tell me something I deserve to know. Show me something that will take me far away to a place beyond the mundane. Bus journeys through the English countryside. Gravestones older than faith. Nature reclaiming man. Magic in the palm of my hands. Despair in the rocks that fall and crush the dirty shells we use to hide behind. The expanding universe my saviour, there’s little worse than believing in chaos when you’re trying so hard to find something to cling to. Come save me. Come sing me a song to show me the way to where I truly belong.

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