Two Years

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Two years ago, and another relationship had been and gone- destroyed by yours truly, of course. I remember creating this blog in an effort to get back on track. In the early days, no one read my stuff. No comments. No feedback letting me know if what I was doing was right or wrong. The silence was deafening at times, and more than once I wanted to give up. Those ex-lovers had been right after all. Maybe it was time to jack it all in and focus on a career. Maybe get into teaching, or work in a bank. Perhaps the long-standing belief I had in myself was misplaced. Maybe I should stop dreaming and believe in something more, real. Writing is a lonely act. It’s cast me adrift and the sacrifices I have made haunt me on a daily basis. And yet the joy it has given me over the past two years is indescribable. Self-expression; for me, nothing comes close. To put my dreams and visions into words and share them with others makes me feel alive. And the support given me in response to my work is humbling. I’m not normally the type of guy to write so directly; I find it a little egotistical, not to mention it makes me feel awkward. But nonetheless, if you’ve ever taken the time to like anything I’ve written, or have gone so far to comment on it, then I want to thank you. It may not seem like it with the way I come across, but every kind gesture you’ve ever given me touches me in a way I’d never experienced until a few years ago. My promise to you is always to try and give you something worth reading- to be as honest as I can and never give anything less. To share my secrets- to put my insides on display. It’s a dangerous thing, but it’s worth it. At long last, it seems as if I have a purpose, and without you, it would never have been possible.

Stay Beautiful x

“I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don’t let me die
But I can’t live forever, I can’t always be
One day I’ll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning; I’ll mark off each day with a cross
And I’ll laugh about all that we’ve lost.”

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.comΒ 

56 replies »

  1. Wow. Thanks for a good cry. ;). I am so thankful to have stumbled across your blog. Your writing lives and breathes. Your words often produce palpable emotions in me. Images and ideas which linger. I appreciate the courage and vulnerability I know it takes to lay your insides out for us all to see/read. Well done!!

    • I feel honored to have moved you in such a way. It genuinely does make me feel so heavenly to know you enjoy my work. It’s a pleasure that can’t be bought- it has to be earned- and that’s what makes it such a thrill. Thank you for your time, and for you words πŸ™‚ x

  2. Don’t write with an idea of giving anyone something interesting just BE. Being your being IS the deep we relate to. It’s that simple and that complex. I am glad you didn’t listen to exes and give up. This IS you.

  3. I like your writing a lot, but don’t have the habit of commenting often, because I remember at one point, with some blog skin you were using, I could not find the comment section at all, I thought you maybe closed it or something.
    In any case, I read very often and I promise I will comment more. Keep writing, cause I love reading what you write.

    • I apologize for my poor choice of blog skin πŸ˜‰ But thank you. Thank you for reading, and thank you for sharing your words with me. It’s touching that you enjoy my words, it really is. Like I said, writing can be a lonely pursuit, but to know you take pleasure in reading my work is wonderful, it really is.

  4. That’s really well said. Writers don’t really write because they want to, but rather becasue they have to. It’s not exactly logical, practical or even profitable, it’s more like a compulsion….or a mental illness. πŸ˜‰

  5. It works both ways you know. Whatever you get from us, your readers, we get so much back from you as well. I have said it ad nauseam but your writing shakes me, moves me, makes me lose my breath, it’s like being on an old-fashioned sailing ship on a turbulent sea, not knowing where you’re going or if you’re going to make it out alive…and it’s so exhilarating. Stay mad, stay you, it’s fucking amazing x

    • You know, one of my greatest pleasures is writing something and waiting to see if it has had an impact on you. I remember you once told me how I got you a little chocked up reading something of mine while you were eating breakfast. I feel privileged knowing you enjoy my words, and I myself am privileged in reading yours. Thank you for every kind word you have sent my way. Each and every one means the world to me. Thank you x

      • Your memory is good! I remember that morning perfectly…I was having a late breakfast while perusing various posts…and my green tea ended up going cold because I got lost in your writing. This is what I love about you. I read many pieces which have their merits…beautifully written and so on…but what I really like is reading something that’s going to make me *feel*…whatever emotions…but that’s what I really look for in art in general…emotion, not just talent and skills. On its own, talent isn’t enough for me. Anyway, you, my friend, do this to me…so if there’s any thanks to be given, I should be the one giving them πŸ™‚ x

      • Sorry about your tea πŸ˜‰ I’m ever so pleased my work makes you feel that way at times. I agree when you say it’s about looking for something that makes you *feel*. Whenever I write, I always try and make sure it comes from the heart. It’s easy at times to just go on autopilot, or create something that’s safe. But the real beauty is seeking out something that not only makes someone else catch their breath, but myself as well. It might not happen often; however, the trick is to always be knocking on its door. I find my best work has been produced when I’m out of control- when I’m not sure where I’ll end up. That’s when the magic occurs. It delights me we found each other in this ‘blogosphere’. Thank you for your words- they never cease to fire me up πŸ™‚ x

  6. I will say that reading you has given me bravery to speak (some of) my own truths. As many have said, your words are clearly from the heart, but not in the traditional sense – in that they are oftentimes raw, and the feelings are palpable. I will admit to keeping your blog open in it’s own tab, so that I may remember to read it – when I have a rare private moment – and that I may let the words settle in my mind a bit. It is something to be savored, like a fine wine, or a deep, dark chocolate. I would say that I hope someday your soul may ‘settle’ a bit, but I will say in the next selfish breath that perhaps I don’t. Thank-you for your candor here, enjoyed it much. πŸ™‚

    • I’m honored to have you as a reader of my words, I really am. It gives me much pleasure knowing that you enjoy what I write, and it drives me forward in wanting to continue. Maybe one day my soul may settle, but for now, I hope it rages on. For so many years I kept my feelings bottled up, and it did a great deal of damage. Yet when I now express myself and it you say it moves you in some way- that’s what I live for. Thank you for your support, and thank you for always being honest and sincere in your words. You’re a beautiful soul x

      • It does so much damage when we bottle up, though that is what most of us think we are supposed to do. I am glad you are more free now, this makes me smile. Happy to lend a few words in recognition of your gifts, and the pleasure of sharing in your journey here. Be well today.

  7. I’m at the beginning of my writing publicly journey as well. I love reading your stuff each day I hope to get where you are some day with all of these wonderful people who read and follow that would be so amazing. Another thought provoking piece and I love it. cheers

    • I’m sure your journey will be rewarding. All you have to do is stick with it, even when you want to quit. Your determination will see you meet so many beautiful minds, and like myself, you’ll feel part of a community that cares. Thank you for reading my words. And thank you for caring x

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