Author S. K. Nicholas

When I was a child, I’d lay there at night flipping my pillow over unable to fall asleep as branches tapped at my window. The pillow would be too warm to rest my head against, so over and over it would go, long into the early hours until I’d fall asleep exhausted. Years later as a teenager, I’d lay there abusing myself while thinking of all those girls at my school I never stood a chance with. They were so heavenly, and I was just strange. Too shy for my own good, inquisitive glances were thrown my way, but girls were alien to me. Years after that, insomnia kicked in. My university years a mess of confessionals and drinking. Sometimes with friends in bars, other times with a book and a bottle of wine. That’s when I retreated inwards. Not all the way, but most of the way. Lovers and seasons come and go, and the world grows ever darker. Those around me seem oblivious; they live their lives as if nothing is wrong, but I know we’re fucked, so I do my best to create different realities to escape in to. Reading. Writing. Drinking. Fantasy. At night, I take walks around the streets where I live and breathe easy. Sometimes I’ll stop and stroke a cat. Long, random walks with no destination in mind. No one to moan at me dedicating my life to writing, and no one to obsesses over things that have no meaning. I could’ve been a father to a five-year-old by now. It makes me stop mid-stride. Never far from my thoughts, I smile to myself while thinking of how beautiful she would’ve been before continuing. Death is a wonderous thing, but I’d rather it keep its distance for now. It took Bethany and my Grandfather, and it even had a nibble at my dad; but as for me, I’ve too many stories in me that remain unwritten. I’ll dance in its arms for sure, but for the time being I’ve more important things to be getting on with. For billions of years, I never existed, and after this brief stint, I’ll again exist no more. So let me make a change; let me carve my name into your heart and smile at what I see. Let me take your hand and show you where I go. If life teaches you anything, it should be that we are magic. We are here against all odds- and despite the rules that have been made- we have a chance to do things differently.