Author S. K. Nicholas

I comb her wet hair and read a newspaper article about a young woman found disemboweled near when I went to school. It reminds me how I used to skip class by jumping over the fence at the back of the playing field before walking home along the old train tracks daydreaming about portals and a girl in my English class. Her name was Leah. She was blonde, and there wasn’t a single night I didn’t fantasize about her mammary glands. It shames me to think of such personal horrors, and it shames me that I overlooked the murder of an innocent in favor of reminiscing over past desires. Leah is now engaged with a successful job. I looked her up on social media. The same perfect smile- the same perfect body. And yes, I abused myself terribly following the discovery of those recent pictures of her. Sorry Leah. I drank far too much last night- the faces of others encouraged me- it wasn’t my fault. The sight of so many plastic people- I couldn’t help myself. In the early hours outside the bar we were drinking in, I remember some guy carrying his unconscious girlfriend across the road to a waiting taxi. It looked like a romantic gesture from a distance, but the guy had spent all evening referring to every girl he saw as a cunt, and with every cunt he uttered, the more his lover drank herself to oblivion. When he crossed the road, two policemen confronted him. For some reason, he dropped his lover to the ground and ran off. On returning home, I attempted to write but was far too drunk. Instead, I watched a link someone sent me of a Mexican guy getting his head cut off with a chainsaw- I was appalled and fascinated in equal measure. The sight of such an atrocity was brutal, but as soon as it ended, the offer of something more was too much to resist. Black stockings. Brunette. The usual. After, I smoked a cigarette and imagined myself as a child again. Eight years old. My bedroom decorated with posters of Hulk Hogan. Red lamp. Red blinds. Take me back if you can; take me back to when I was happiest- to when I was pure.