Author S. K. Nicholas

My desire is to drain all of the Earth’s oceans. It’s to witness what was once hidden as a lover spreads herself before me on white linen doused in sunlight and dead skin. Although lover is not the right word, for relationships seem so redundant. There’s never been a girl who saw the world as I saw it. They always wanted something tangible, but all that ever interested me was the weightless nature of dreams. Rubbing salt into bleeding gums and pissing in the kitchen sink, I go sit in the garden looking at the fence with the feeling everything’s on the verge of falling. A leaf drops into my lap and try as I might, I just can’t get my head around gravity. There are no outlines, and there’s no substance to anything other than emotion. Isn’t it a frightening thing to be without form? To exist merely as thoughts as opposed to ‘people’? Others seem so adept at fitting in, but it never really suited me. I’m a loner but never lonely. There’s one who intrigues me, and yet she is an unknown entity. Too far away, and most likely far too good for me. These days I don’t get out much, but writing is my lifeblood, and that’s what keeps me breathing. Sometimes at night, when I can almost touch the ceiling, I think about what it was like to be like them, and so often I’m on the verge of defeat. To hold my hands up and beg forgiveness- to admit I was wrong, and that to belong with the rest is my heart’s true calling. It won’t happen, though, you have my word on it. When these eyes close themselves to obtain catharsis, I imagine her biting my nose and taking control. She’s as thin as the breeze, and as her teeth sink in, she’s close enough to smell my fear. A split second is all it takes to fall in love, and it’s all it takes to die. The universe might be infinite, yet we are not. We exist close to the bone, and despite our best intentions, bones are all we will ever be. So sit back and enjoy the silence, write your truths, and imagine a day when your feet leave the ground and never come down.