Dissolved Girl

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On my way to work last night, I was chased by a badger. At first, I heard its paws on the concrete, and then as I turned the corner, the black and white of its fur came flashing into view beneath a streetlight. Sidestepping out of its way, it changed direction and charged. Pounding the pavement behind me, we ran through a quiet residential street before it gave up and dived into someone’s front garden and out of sight. Stopping to catch my breath, for a moment I wondered if it had all been in my head. It hadn’t, though, for it could still be heard rustling around in the undergrowth as I was resumed my journey. Stopping off for a packet of smokes a short time later, there were two girls ahead of me in line at the kiosk. Pretending not to look, I could see the tall one smiling at me. She was leggy, and her cute features made we want her, but I’ve grown weary of such liaisons. They get you nowhere. Refusing to acknowledge her, when the two of them left, I breathed in her lingering scent and imagined taking her from behind. These images stayed with me for a few hours. I miss being with a woman, but writing is more important. Can’t allow myself to get sidetracked anymore, because if I do, my words will come under threat, and that can’t be allowed to happen. Not after how much effort I’ve put into them over the past two years. It’s a strange thing to ponder; how in the beginning I was using words to try and win over a girl, and now I’m clinging to them purposefully avoiding romantic attachment. Lover’s want devotion, but my art is sacred, and it won’t settle for second best. If a woman came into my life with a love of words and a fondness for Twin Peaks, maybe I’d comprise. If she read Bukowski and listened to the Manic Street Preachers, I’d probably propose on the spot. But until then, it’s business as usual. I wonder what the badger’s up to right now; if it’s still in the town somewhere, or it’s made its way back to the countryside. And I wonder if the leggy girl got lucky as she danced the night away in a sea of dissolving faces. I hope so.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.comΒ 

46 replies »

  1. Randomly stumbled on this blog, but I’m on the same page with art. I’d been placing men at an equal value to my work, and the result was that I didn’t excel at either. Its hard to choose nothing else, but if you want your art to succeed, its what must be done.

    • I’m glad you stumbled upon me, and I’m in agreement with your viewpoint. It’s somewhat selfish, but when you care that much about your art, you have to make tough decisions. If the desire to succeed is strong, then these sacrifices will one day be worth it.

  2. Did you hear they’re re-making TP btw. That may NOT go well. Who was your favorite TP cardigan girl?

      • I’m with you. Audrey. Not Donna. Shelley a close second. Not Laura. Maybe the Log Lady πŸ˜‰ Aaah if he can pull it off I’m hideously excited too but he’d best not mess with a cult show and ruin it for us for hards.

      • What saddens me is that the guy who played Killer Bob is dead, so he won’t be in it, and apparently The Little Man From Another Place isn’t going to be in it either. This saddens me beyond worlds 😦

      • Maybe they’ll just really do the freak and bring out some new hellions. Maybe that’s better than our beloved old baddies. Can’t imagine the girls could be as desirable in that slightly damaged way …

      • One of my favorite things was creeping up on then-girlfriends while imitating ‘Bob. For that reason alone, my heart will forever be broken by his non-appearance. Audrey is still beautiful though. I saw a recent photo.

      • She’s a damn fox. I did that, recorded in Bob voice onto tape recorder and played in empty room, they nearly died of fear!!!

      • A bit similar to yours. Several years ago I lived with a girl who owned a piano. When she was out working one evening, I did my best to play something ‘creepy’ on the piano, and recorded my efforts. When her car pulled up in the drive some time later, I set the piano up to play it as soon as she got in while I was hiding behind the sofa. She got so freaked that she ran out the house and called her mum up in hysterics πŸ˜‰ How bout you?

      • I feel like I’m in a place at the moment where I’m trying to reconnect with writing. Writing because I enjoy it not because there is a need for it. Photography, Graphics, Fine Art and Fashion Design always seemed to rise above my love for written art so I’m trying to build a love for it again! πŸ™‚ Any tips would be amazing?

      • For me, it was all about making sure to write everyday. Even if I had nothing to say, or I wasn’t in the mood, I’d force myself to get something down. At first it’s a struggle, but eventually it feels natural, and then you enjoy the challenge of finding stuff to write about. And the content is crucial too. It has to be something that genuinely moves you; a subject that elicits emotions that can both confuse and frighten. I think if you can be prolific and keep it up for six months, then it will never leave you x

  3. Love the way you have turned this day to day experience into a great write, the inside conversation is terrific, the Badger a brilliant aside, smiling! You’re a fine writer.

  4. I had a giggle imagining the Badger badgering you ☺️ A girl with your taste in poetry & music. And she would delight in your writing! I admire your conviction & desire my friend. Write on for you & us! πŸƒπŸŒΊ

  5. This is so funny. I am certain that you didn’t set out for it to be funny but the humour hit me when you mentioned writing and Twinpeaks.

    I daren’t tell you that only half an hour ago, I was listening to the Manic Street Preachers…you’re safe though.

    I can understand your feelings on this subject. I had to turn down coffee with a friend this morning because I was writing. It’s how it is sometimes. Some people don’t get it because they’re not interested in the fact that I’m writing or what I’m writing. They are more interested in criticising and tutting. Enough said.

    I need food, lots and lots of lovely food and then some barefoot mole hunting on the lawn.

      • Autumnsong..do you know it? Ha ha. It helps me to follow their runs more easily. I look really odd though and I’m pretty certain people must thing I’m bonkers, that’s ok though, bonkers is good. x

  6. “If a woman came into my life with a love of words and a fondness for Twin Peaks, maybe I’d comprise. If she read Bukowski and listened to the Manic Street Preachers, I’d probably propose on the spot.”
    You described me perfectly until manic street preacher. That would be the problem, I’d be the manic street preacher. Beautiful writing as always.

    • I think you should give the manic’s a chance. You wont be disappointed. Start off with their album ‘The Holy Bible’. I promise you wont regret it. Thank you for taking the time to reply. That you have a fondness for Twin Peaks is amazing! x

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