Author S. K. Nicholas

While looking at decade-old porn, I attempted to lift weights for the first time in years. It didn’t go well, though, and after twenty minutes of agony, I gave up. It came about as an effort at looking after myself due to self-neglect of shameful proportions. Writing makes me inactive. Coupled with drinking and a poor diet, my body has begun to let me know it’s not impressed. And so begins a drive to get back on track. Alcohol will now be limited to weekends only, and although this is not what I want, it’s what my body requires. No more soda or energy drinks. Sweets are gone, as are crisps, too. Not eating crisps makes me weep, but they upset my stomach. Everything upsets my stomach these days, and so I’m stripping it all back. Drinking water is pretty much all I do now. And getting to bed earlier. This makes me want to weep as well, but sleeping is a luxury I’ve often taking for granted. And sleeping sober- it’s the best feeling in the world. When I’m fully recovered, I’ll lift some more weights. Might do some stretches as well. Need to lose this belly of mine. Need to turn into a sex machine. Getting older is great for distorted brains, but not for bodies. Flesh ages and things don’t work the way they used to. That’s why I have to bite the bullet and take care of myself. I’m sure Bukowski would be disgusted, but I’ve heard some women he once fucked was physically sick after the experience, and I don’t want to end up like that. A woman’s breasts should always be bigger than my own, and sweat should get in my eyes from vigorous hip action, not from merely taking my clothes off. I’m exaggerating, but I’m allowed to. I’m only 14lbs overweight, but my physical strength has diminished, and sometimes I feel like an old lady; it’s how I imagine being eight months pregnant feels like. The worst thing about growing old is I realise I’m not invincible anymore. So many years I thought I was the centre of the universe, but my body has shown me I’m not. It’s not fair, but I begrudgingly accept my fate. I won’t act my age, though. No chance. I’d rather be lobotomized.