Author S. K. Nicholas

x and i: a novel

a journal for damned lovers vol 1-3

Zero

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Between her toes as they peek over the side of the bed, there’s a chasm where all her old lovers hang out. Sliding her fingers in circles in the one spot they could never find, she says she’s in search of a magic moment, but I’m bored and can’t think of a reply. Rolling a smoke, I shave the sides of my head and secretly wish to find three sixes birthmarked into my skull, but alas, I am not the antichrist. Crestfallen as she builds up speed in her quest for the perfect orgasm, I go downstairs and look out the kitchen window. The neighbour with tattoos on her breasts is stood in the garden next door putting her washing out to dry. Sucking on a cigarette as she hangs up her panties and bras, I try to imagine the two of us engaged in sordid acts, but there’s no spark, only humdrum realities that crumble like dead flowers. Turning away from her spoiled flesh, there’s a sudden urge in me to write a poem, but as soon as I try and get something going, the words go missing leaving me with sheet after sheet of lined paper with nothing more than my signature doodles on them. Squares with crosses in, and diamonds that resemble the shape of her sex with leaves as public hairs. The afternoon drags on. Idly passing the time by cutting out pages from my favourite novels and sending them to addresses plucked at random from the phone book, she keeps going despite not reaching her zenith. Listening to her frustrated sighs drift down from above, I laugh at the absurdity of it all while emptying her bag on the coffee table and inspecting what comes out. Bored almost immediately, I go upstairs and stand before her. Looking up at me slightly distraught and delirious, I strip naked and masturbate over her feet. Horrified by my lack of respect, she howls at me in French and threatens to cut off my balls. Flicking my goo all over her belly, I run out the room laughing until the air in my lungs reaches zero and everything blurs. These days of boredom; how they shine so wild against the rest.

10 responses to “Zero”

  1. thefeatheredsleep Avatar
    thefeatheredsleep

    Have you read Factorum or Post Office or Women, by Bukowski. This is SO good it has the humor, insight, irony and absurdity he was so good at capturing. A book I say! Stories of fucking and failure, madness, bliss and electricity. It’s all there.

    1. I have indeed! I’ve always admired his work for those things, and I’m thrilled you see shades of them in my own. The more I write, the more I’m trying to be truthful, to just write without thinking of the consequences. I think that’s the best way, isn’t it? To ignore doubt and just get down what we’re thinking. It’s easier said than done, but it’s what each of us is seeking. A manner of displaying our real voice in the most natural of ways x

      1. thefeatheredsleep Avatar
        thefeatheredsleep

        And just to classify I see no piracy of ideas or style just a resonance of the sharp wit i so admired in those books. I’d love to see you do that, I so think it’s time.

      2. If I do, you shall receive Eskimo kisses for all your kind support. I’m thankful for every last word x

      3. thefeatheredsleep Avatar
        thefeatheredsleep

        โ™กโ™ก

  2. Elizabeth Helmich Avatar
    Elizabeth Helmich

    You are nothing but a wicked little boy who needs a new hobby. Naughty thing. You.

    1. No, I’m a good boy really. Not an angel by any means, but not a demon, either ๐Ÿ™‚ x

      1. Elizabeth Helmich Avatar
        Elizabeth Helmich

        I know, I know – I was trying to gently slap you across the face…you really are a brat sometimes. In the best of ways. Mainly I want to give you a hug. Xx

      2. I’ll take the hug over the slap if that’s okay with you xo

      3. Elizabeth Helmich Avatar
        Elizabeth Helmich

        I would much prefer that myself.<3

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