Stand Still

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Bodies that resemble heavenly effigies; they gyrate like flames as my mouth opens and closes without saying a word. This one, in particular, she moves in tandem with the waves of subconscious desires that flood my senses. I want to see everything she has, but as lush as her charms may be, they’re as fleeting as the smile of a newborn baby. Pushing out her cleavage, her nipples protrude from the purple dress that clings to her flesh. Just like me, they’re hard, and just like me, they speak of wonder and perversion in the same breath. I want to break her, to chomp away like a starving animal, but before I’ve even begun, I’m subdued. Catching sight of my reflection in the mirror above the bar, I stand there in a trance. Ordering a drink, she lowers her frame so they can be seen in the mirror, but all I can see are those buildings I knew in my youth; the ones that lined the streets on my journies from the depths of winter to the splendours of summer. The windows were eyes, envious and without pity in my transformation from a boy into a man. Stumbling down the rain-lashed pavements in the dead of night drunk and in love with sadness, they could see what I was like when such truths were as far from my mind as the moon. To be lonely is beautiful, and such memories are precious to me, more so than the heavenly pleasures that come and go without having meant much at all. Time pushes me further away with where I want to be, but where I want to be was only ever a dream to begin with. Its beauty was like a gust of wind; unseen but felt in the strangest of ways. Moving through the maze of my mind like the maze of streets all those years ago, I’m lost to everyone, and there seems to be no way out. And yet in these moments, there’s something that calls my name, unheard by the crowd as they dance and scream in worship of their brief release. In the seconds that stand still as she looks at me out of frustration and lust, I see a place that awaits; a state of mind that can’t be obtained until I’m cleansed of every atom that doesn’t resemble what I am inside.

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