You Are a Zero

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Is she a solar flare? Is she a mirage in this desert of words and work and words and work and grey days and boring days and sleeping days and beer days mixed with headaches and bellyaches and toothache and thinning blood? Does a nosebleed tell me a transformation is taking place? Does a dream of her dancing like a Hula dancer signal my feelings for her are growing far more than others would deem sensible? I dunno. So many paintย and write and sing as if they’re the shit but they’re nothing and until they realise they’re nothing all they ever create will be pointless. Lose the pretension- none of us are getting out of here alive. What have we got? Another fifty years, max? And then we’re dead- no more boners and no more antics and no more fantasies involving women with an itch to be nailed by any means necessary. Look in the mirror and see the stains on your teeth. Go for a shit and take a good hard look at what’s floating there- because that’s all you’ll ever be. Open a newspaper and take a glimpse of a world where you don’t feature. Less than zero. Not a star, but the flash of a match in the doorway of a boarded up launderette- and that’s where the magic lies- not in the eyes of others, but on the outside where all you’ll find is only the beat-beat-beat of your own shrinking heart. Out there, somewhere, down all those lonely roads and alleys and through the darkened muddy fields are all the answers you will ever need. These inner blues- these days of doubt that never seem to shift- may they stick around until the very end. May they shame me until all I can do is curl into a ball as the tears roll down and the acid burns my stomach and the ache in my bones makes me reach for her arms because she is mother and lover and saviour and the secrets she holds rival those of God. Give me one more day where I may sway and beat without a care. Give meย the planets upon her sacred tongue and let me watch as she swallows and as she swallows let me stroke her forehead and gaze into those eyes as if they were black holes in the sky.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com

17 replies »

  1. The questions all of us should ask – so perfectly intuited as per your remarkable ability to see into people

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