I Am Not The Zodiac

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She told me her name was Amelia, and she looked like Medusa, y’know, snakes in her hair that writhed around her body drawing attention to those child-bearing hips of hers. She was lost in the moment, zoning in and out as the music took her some place she’d been trying to claw back to ever since the onset of puberty. The lights were hallucinogenic- they changed the faces of those around us from lepers with a taste for incest to the monsters that used to hide beneath my bed as I curled into the smallest shape possible while the moon above divulged all the possible ways my parents were going to die leaving me all alone. So as I’m doing my shots she was drinking vodka and orange juice but it was the tablets in her purse that contained the magic. Those incy-wincy pills of chemicals that helped her to forget and be at one with all things. A bit like the Zodiac killer after he’d filled his slaves with bullets, but I was sure she wasn’t into serial killers, so I kept that reference to myself. When she looked over at me the sea of insects parted and there was only us. The hive became a womb. Not hers, but mine, or at least what mine would look like if I had one. The electric beat became a slow dance and as she rocked back and forth the connection between us grew until I felt not only sexual desire but a need to reveal myself. Whenever I’d peeled back my skin in the past the women in my life had fled. They’d taken a glimpse of the frustration, boredom and pain that flowed through my veins and walked away. But as the walls of flesh around us reverberated with my innermost fears, I sank in my fingers and peeled it all back. As time slowed down, I kept wondering whether or not she would run like the rest or embrace me as if I were her father? And if she chose to stick around, when she fell into my arms would I serenade this beautiful, broken creature, or do to her what others had done and crush her in the palms of my useless hands?

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com

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