Animal Daddy

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When I’m drunk, I insert things into her body. Marbles. Coins. Sunflower seeds. Stuff like that. As she’s lying there laughing at the absurdity of it all, I speak in hushed tones to her vagina. Questions, so many questions. She is my alter, she’s monolithic. When she asks what I’m doing I feed her my kiss to hush those sweet lips before returning to her real mouth. Latin. French. Hebrew. So many languages, such little time. Gripping her ankles in my greasy hands, I kneel forwards and begin. The voice that calls out isn’t my own. It growls and salivates. It howls and spits and sniffs out her truth. As the words lose their meaning and become dark energy, I bite the inside of her thighs causing her to suck in mouthfuls of dry air. Getting to my feet, I walk through walls and pass through mirrors until I’m in her childhood bedroom, the one with the red lamp and red blinds as her six-year-old self is curled up in the corner. Stroking her hair and then lifting her head from the pillow, I pick up the bundle of tissue paper that’s been carefully wrapped and placed beneath. Removing the three baby teeth within, I move back through the mirror. Denying the tooth fairy of an incredible find, I place each one upon my tongue and down a shot of vodka and swallow. Need to possess her, you see. I’ve eaten her hair and fingernail clippings. I’ve drunk her milk and swallowed her tears and now it’s time to take things to the next level. Parasitic. Translucent. A sexual pervert she claims, but I believe there’s more to my actions than mere sex. Ritualistic. Cosmic. When she comes, I place pennies on her eyes. When she tosses and turns I observe in complete silence trying to understand each motion. The unseen. The withheld. These are the things that drive me, that cause me to keep searching. I can never rest, I can never settle.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com

23 replies »

  1. Holy crap.. that was so weirdly disturbing and satisfying to read.. satisfying cause the dark filthy raw feelings was worded and portrayed very realistically! Good job!
    Lol I hope you don’t feel this way! πŸ˜„

  2. I spend time after reading your writing wondering about your creative process, what forces drive you to write pieces like this, and at least an equal amount of time trying to figure out why they dig so deeply into my own psyche and resonate so powerfully. There is something so powerful and tender and a little terrifying of thought of someone ingesting someone else’s baby teeth. You have a gift for challenging the reader.

    • I’m so glad you think so- thank you. The joy of self-expression for me is swinging to those extremes. It’s in being able to really explore those themes of love and obsession without constraint. A few years ago I would’ve worried about alienating potential readers with certain things, but if they don’t like what I write, then it’s up to them. As long as I can be honest with myself and feel I’m not pretending, that’s what counts x

      • Indeed. In many ways I think you become many of your reader’s guilty pleasure. You give voice to the things about themselves that they don’t know what to do with, that they hold as taboo. You hold the mirror up in a way that out own shadow selves are revealed, not just yours. Thank you as always for your artistic integrity and boldness. I learn about myself every time I read your prose. I’m okay with the discomfort.

      • You have described exactly what I couldn’t put my finger on, the reason this blog resonates so much with me. It’s like an addiction, not always pleasant but always beautifully written and always a thrill to find out what the mirror will show next.

      • Agreed. Even when it pushes my buttons it thrills me, challenges me, challenges my views of nature vs. nurture, about the nature of the relationship between women and men, even my own views about what I want. There is something almost hypnotic about it, mesmerizing. It really gets me in touch with my own primal, dark instincts. It is sexy and enticing and disturbing and sometimes even appalling but I always come back for more. . .

      • And for that I am eternally grateful. I think that such a challenge should lie at the heart of all writing, painting, music etc. It’s not enough to produce something that’s merely pretty, it has to have teeth and the potential to make a difference. Such a drive can not only be stimulating, but it can also lead to further discoveries. It pushes us to create and seek out new uncharted territory.

      • Your words are so kind- thank you! It might come across as blasΓ©, but your thoughtful comment is one of the things that drives me to write. Knowing I have an opportunity to write something that has the potential to make you feel a strange sensation is priceless. There’s nothing else that comes close.

      • I’m blessed by your kind words, so thank you. I do enjoy that sense of exploring certain taboo areas, it must be said. Certainly the obsession/possession themes that go hand in hand with love. If I can explore these areas in a candid way, and people find it interesting to read, then there is surely no better thrill to be had x

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