Author S. K. Nicholas

Smoke your cigarettes until you’re crawling on the ceiling unaware of the blood that’s trickling from the corners of your dirty little mouth. Sleep with another. Sleep alone. Share yourself and divide the one inside even further. Write to become whole. Write to redeem. Fail and fail again until the taste of failure outweighs that of success. When the liquor slides down your throat, close your eyes and see your soul as an orb in the dark of night. Like a moth to the flame. Like a pale dot floating through the stratosphere on a slow decay into nothingness. Sway and fall, fall and sway. Wash away the slime of those who would do their best to drag you down. Listen to Sonic Youth and masturbate thinking of someone you shouldn’t. Nail your manifesto to the trees in a forest so that nature and nature alone knows of your intentions. Deny. Sabotage. Ruin and run. Kiss the lips you stare at with abandon. Preach and endure. Suffer and exhale. Married and buried, repeated always. They say you should be settled by now. They say you’re wasting your life- that you should have money in the bank and a partner to fuck and cute social circles to mess around in. And above all, they tell you that you should be just like them. Be normal. Be quirky but never strange. Don’t arouse suspicion, and never be honest, ever. Breathe in and hold your gut. Pretend your shits don’t stink like shit. Pretend you don’t stare at your naked body in the mirror distraught that you’re not the young pup you used to be. Pretend you don’t lie awake crying into your pillow trying so hard to ignore the damning evidence that you are not what you think you are. Don’t worry, though, none of us are, it’s just that some of us are better liars than others. The point is there is no point. Once you acknowledge that you’re worthless, you will stop being ugly and become beautiful. And no matter what they tell you, you are indeed worthless, and only once you value the fleeting nature of what you are will you rise high above those who try so hard to convince themselves their little lives are anything but a lifeless ordinary.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com