Author S. K. Nicholas

I’m sat in the Chinese place waiting for our order. Been here for ten minutes now while she’s at home playing computer games and touching herself. She’ll deny it of course, but I know what she’s like. She enjoys looking at other women while she does it, too, because it does something to her I can’t, but it doesn’t bother me because we are what we are. Getting up and stepping outside, I roll a cigarette and stand there looking at those coming and going from the row of shops that wraps itself around the parking lot. There are kids hanging about thinking they’re the shit and geezers stood by the entrance to the pub being vocal with pints in their hands. They’re the definition of real men. Hard. Focused. No nonsense. The complete opposite of me, then. There are women going in and out of the tanning salon. They look atrocious, and yet in their heads, they think they’re the epitome of beauty. None of it matters, of course. We’re free to do as we please, but seeing them so immersed in their banal ways gives me a headache. Looking in to see if my order’s ready, the woman behind the counter holds up a finger to tell me it’ll only be a minute. For a second I thought she was flipping me the bird, and I was instantly appalled, but no, it was her index finger. Giving her a nod of the head, I suck on my cigarette and think about what will happen later in the evening once we’ve eaten our food. I’ll have a drink more than likely, and she’ll play a game and maybe paint her nails. After we turn out the lights, I’ll pretend to fall asleep, and she’ll get annoyed and claw at me out of frustration, and then we’ll do our thing. Maybe it’ll be rough, or perhaps it’ll be tender. As long as there’s emotion, it doesn’t matter. When it’s over, they’ll be a moment where we’ll gaze into each other’s eyes in the darkness of our room. They’ll be no words, and they’ll be no movement. But in those seconds far removed from the lives we will one day lead, there is a truth that will remain untouched. It will shine, and it will captivate, like the images from our childhood, or those of the death of our galaxy in a time and place we shall never know.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com