Author S. K. Nicholas

In my left hand, there’s a lump of clay. In my right, a cigarette. The days are godless as they are sexless. There are those that worship science. There are those that believe we are reaching somewhere. And yet as I suck down the smoke deep into my lungs, I can’t help but feel as if it’s all just an illusion. We are here, and we know what it’s like to be here, and although I can see and taste and touch the fabric of these days, none of it exists. The pursuit of information is a fine one, and we should never push the ideology of ignorance, but neither should we strut around thinking we’re a gift. There’s balance in everything. Neither one extreme nor the other. Be yourself but know you’re nothing. Be kind but know there’s no reward. Fuck and be tender and praise the one you love for no other reason than there’s nothing else. There are dreams, and there are connections. There are sensations and memories and reasons why but in the face of death- in the knowledge that once this is over it’s over- what can we do but drink and come apart and dance and scream and do whatever we feel inclined to? There are answers and questions. There is no one day when we will know what we want to know. This day will never come. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t search, but it does mean that the moment we find ourselves in is the only one we shall ever inhabit, and therefore, the only one that holds meaning. Carpe Diem is far too tacky for me to spout, but you can’t argue with the notion, can you? This place is a senseless merry-go-round- it’s a kaleidoscope and a boot in the face and a kiss of life all in one. What can we do but smile and cry and love and hate with an intensity and truth that gives meaning to this meaningless situation. What can we do but lie still and hold each other knowing that we keep edging ever closer to the point when we will simply vanish. Take my cigarette and take a hit. Look into my eyes and place your hands against my chest. This is us. This is all we can ever be. Ignoring every useless thing, be my woman and be my life. In these precious few seconds, be my absolute so that I may die not regretting a single one.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com