Slow movement as the car pulls into the layby. A few cigarettes, and one or two painkillers to ease the horrors of being human as I’m engulfed by smoke. This flesh. This freak show of what they tell me is supposed to resemble humanity, how it gets me so low at times. The other cars on the road go by and then vanish. So many faces. So many souls never known. Junk food eases my woes, as does vodka and another cigarette that stains the fingers on my right hand a crummy shade of yellow. After an untold period of time where quiet contemplation is the only thing I can muster, there are clumsy footsteps in the dark down an embankment to a bush where a stream of piss is followed by my aching moans and the cussing of someone who should know better. The day doesn’t end, it just goes on and on, and nothing ever seems to be enough to save me from the images that pierce my mind like a bullet from the gun of a lover hell-bent on punishing me for being just another man. She dances somewhere out of sight. One minute it’s down an unlit street, and then in the doorway of a store that faces the church we would often walk by on our way into town on Friday nights looking for adventure and giddy pleasure. She brings the light, and when she spins around laughing to a song I’ll never get to hear, it makes me feel so sad that it’s almost too beautiful for me to take. She keeps following my every move, and I want it, yet I don’t. She keeps resting her chin on my shoulder, but when I turn to kiss her, off she goes once again. She’s haunting me, but just when it gets too much, here she comes grinning with a mouse clamped between her teeth. When she drops it at my feet, she rubs her body against mine, and I’m so nervous I can’t do anything but listen to how loud my breathing is as she looks up at me knowing just how much I want her.