Beer collects on the hairs of my upper lip, and so I stick out my tongue and suck the beads down as a treat. Feeling giddy, I picture her in the nude and in particular, the shape of her breasts and the touch of her nipples upon the tips of my itchy fingers. Those nipples, they’re hard and big, and I like their colour and how it contrasts with the pigment of her areolas. Sometimes, when I’m feeling sly, I draw them in my sketchbook and take so many hours to get the texture right, and by the end, I work myself into such a state that sordid self-abuse is the only thing that stops me from losing my mind. Well, I say that, but my mind went years ago. Of course, she’s more than just a body, and it goes without saying that her soul’s as heavy as heaven, but I’m just a man and try as I might, the pleasures of the flesh are as natural to me as sorrow. There’s a song, and the words speak to me in a way nothing else can. They drift to me through the night air, and it seems no one can hear them because none of those around me have tears in the corners of their eyes like I do. Tilting my head to one side, I see trees and stars and fields of corn, and each stalk smells just like her. Through my drunken haze, her smile obliterates everything and leaves me paralysed, but in the best possible way. The song, it’s one by Elliott Smith. There’s a certain word he sings, and it’s how he sings it in particular that brings her to me. All that emotion. That desperation longing. That need to show my heart in the hope of finding one just like it that can go some way to heal whats left of mine, because mine is drowned and stained and clogged up with junk, and yet it’s still a good ‘un, I swear. Despite the slime and grime and puke and piss, there’s beauty in me, I just know there is.
A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.co.uk
A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.com
Categories: Lucid
My god. This is so fucking delightfully magnificent, my jaw dropped, my sight turned inward, my heart stuttered, and words fail me. I love this. Thank you for sharing.
Those are some very kind words, and I’m very grateful for them. It gives me quite the thrill knowing this piece had such an impact on you. Thank you x
I’m not sure they are “kind”…. but they ARE true.
The truth is what we deal in, and that’s all that matters. So thank you.
“There’s a certain word he sings, and it’s how he sings it in particular that brings her to me. All that emotion. That desperation longing. That need to show my heart in the hope of finding one just like it that can go some way to heal whats left of mine, because mine is drowned and stained and clogged up with junk, and yet it’s still a good ‘un, I swear. Despite the slime and grime and puke and piss, there’s beauty in me, I just know there is.”
Without sounding like a cringy, over-emotional fuckwit, Stephen…this made me cry. FFS! There is beauty in you. It’s in your soul and in your writing. xx
Ah, now I feel blessed indeed! And somewhat less of a bum. Thank you for being so thoughtful ❤ xx
I’ve known a lot of bums…but I don’t see bum in you. X
That gives me hope 🙂 x
Haha. X
This just took my breathe away for a while. Loved it
Thank you! I’m so pleased you did 🙂
Wonderfully descriptive I could get immersed in your world!
Thank you! That’s very kind of you to say 🙂
This.. Damn. I can’t articulate the beauty of the writing here. Your words stirs all souls
That’s very kind of you. Thank you, my friend 🙂
Hi! I’ve nominated you for the mystery blogger award. Here’s the link: https://thereckoning.blog/2018/03/07/the-mystery-blogger-award/
Ooh, that’s so very kind of you. Thank you! x