We Exist



With an unlit cigarette between my fingers, I see my reflection in the windows of passing vehicles for less than a tenth of a second, but they mean nothing because I exist only where I wish to exist. Buildings fall, and teeth bite flesh in the midst of sexual kicks but I’m on the other side without form and free from the cage of flesh that for so many years kept me locked up and close to defeat. The sun hangs in the sky above me, but when I blink my eyes, it’s in my belly along with the moon and the stars and all those days of sadness that for so long left me paralysed and consumed by fear. With each step, I skip from one disaster to the next dancing to a song that never ends. With each breath, I’m struggling with the ghosts and reflections of all those I’ve loved and all those that have left but here I am with tears in my eyes making shapes on the melting asphalt with the shadows cast by my hands and I’m no longer sad but on the verge of some great discovery and I’m no longer adrift but in the heart of some great mystery of which wraps itself around me like your kiss. Gliding through the loveless lovers that never see a thing, I shift from one foot to the other as the beat drops and rises and when I spin in circles I see waves as tall as mountains and when my heart sinks at the thought of all I’ve lost I rise and shine and burst like those supernovas you feel at the base of your spine when you give yourself to the moment and here come the animals and here comes the forest and here comes the sea and here comes the breaking of those lines they told me never to break but break them I did because what’s there to live for other than the dreams and visions that guide me into the centre of an afterglow the likes of which so few ever get to glimpse. Lighting my cigarette, the smoke is sucked down and snorted through widened nostrils as my feet move back and forth between the gutter and the kerb and here comes another layer and another time and another ghost and just like that I grab your hand and pull you towards me, and they say it can’t be done but I take you with me and make you see what I see and there’s nothing to make me doubt the strength of my conviction that we are more than human and more than the chains that keep us from becoming what we wish to be for such chains are only as strong as we allow. Stood there gazing down the strip while hanging into the road from a telephone pole, there’s a smile on my face that shouldn’t be there. But there it is, stretching from day to night and from my aching soul to yours.

A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.com

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