Sometimes I love you, and sometimes I hate you. Sometimes there’s this urge in me to write down my feelings in a letter letting you know how you’re in every word of mine. That how even though we don’t know each other anymore, you’re with me every step of the way. The truth can liberate. However, I can’t shake the fear that it won’t win me your heart, and nor will it erase the shortcomings of the past. I could put down into words the meaning of your smile and what it does to my heart every time I see your angel face, but I’m pretty sure it would just leave me hanging like before. Still, what’s the point in holding back when one day we’ll be nothing more than dust, and the madness you put in me will be lost like everything else? What’s the point in pretending I’m nothing but weak in my need of you? The truth doesn’t pay my bills, and nor does it bring me happiness, but it separates me from the machine, and from those who bow down to it, and that’s what counts. Just who would ever want to be like them? Them with their dead hipster faces and their dead hipster haircuts and their dead hipster sex. Them with their empty souls as they pose their lives away trying so desperately to prove to the world that they have meaning when in reality they’re as dead as they were before their dead fathers fucked their dead mothers and they ended up just like their dead brothers and sisters. Maybe I still seek you out because there’s light in you. Maybe it’s because you’re the only one that makes me feel alive in this deadened hive, and without you, the insects win, and I lose.
A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.co.uk
A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.com
Categories: Lucid
This makes me feel sad and wistful. Like it put up a mirror and showed me that I really am one of those dead hipster moms, that I have already let the light go out. Damn.
You’ll never be a dead hipster mom, don’t worry about that. The light still shines bright for both of us.
That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day. Thank you. I think I exist in this dynamic tension where I am afraid that I really am just like them– ordinary, dead, unseeing and other times I worry that there is so much more to me than I ever let out– Galadrial with ring, capable of amazing and terrifying things, held back by fear.
I think the fact you doubt is key, and more than that, that you acknowledge the doubt. Those that don’t do either are the dead ones.
Am I the only one who’s wishing she knew how you feel about her, that you write about her often? I don’t think I’ve ever had this effect on any man. *deep sigh* 😊
She does. Or at least she did. I’m not sure it ever really impressed her. But such is life. I’m sure you have, even if you never knew it 🙂 x
Wow… heavy and heartbreaking, but so real. The dead ones are extremely tiring, they can drag you down with their mere multiplying existence and it’s getting harder to find the ones that keep you alive. Great writing S. K.
Thank you, my friend. It is indeed getting harder to stay alive and to stay real. There are times when it almost feels tempting to be like them. But thankfully such moments quickly pass 🙂
Agreed! ❤
❤
I so very well resonate with this.
These lines arre a collection of my own soul said in the most beautiful manner!
Amazing yet again.
I’m so pleased you did.
And thank you! That has made me feel as light as air. I hope you are well today, and life is being kind x
“The truth doesn’t pay my bills, and nor does it bring me happiness, but it separates me from the machine, and from those who bow down to it, and that’s what counts.”
This is probably going to be my mantra for a while. And maybe someday some woman will tattoo it on them. I’d much rather a symbol of this. But Fabulous work! It definitely gave me the feels. And I’m in a place where I where I very much crave them. I mean I always do but the timing was right is all I’m saying.
I’m so happy it is 🙂
And that it gave you the feels is a joy to me indeed. I’m pleased I had the fortune of writing it for you at the right time! x
Awwwh, so sad, but I loved it! x
I’m so glad you did. Thank you 🙂 x
This felt like one of those cool, early morning winds that sweep across a lake, blowing the fog away, allowing you to see your reflection in the water.
Utterly real, beautifully brilliant.
How very kind of you.
That’s a wonderful description, so vivid, and I’m so pleased my words conjured it for you.
Thank you!
Very profound and meaningful
Thank you very much.
Deeply moving and beautiful. I love this.
Thank you 🙂
Profoundly beautiful as always.
I’m so pleased you enjoyed it.
Me too. 😃
🙂
I read this, then I read it again and again and again. Its heavy and brilliant and real and goddamnit, man. Never stop writing.
Thank you, my friend. That’s some praise, and I hold it close.
Reblogged this on jimmi campkin.
Thank you, kind sir.