Lizard Boy

kevin-lee-96419

By the sea. Some place by the sea. A lighthouse and a cigarette and the memory of a kiss that tastes of liquorice. Fields and more fields. Another cigarette. Toothache and then a store that sells aspirin but not the good kind so the cheap stuff it is, washed down with a cheap can of beer that only adds insult to misery. There’s a light snowfall that bites into the bones of my hands. There’s no air in my breath. There are no details to my dreams, just blurred images that could be anything. On my pillow last thing at night, the scent of your freshly washed hair, but it’s not true, you weren’t there, so what can I do? It’s too cold. My blood’s too cold. I’m like a lizard but not really. I feel like a lizard, though. I feel like the bones of a dead bird left to rot outside in the garden. No one cares about those birds. They pretend they do, but really, no one cares at all, and those dead birds just slip from our memory time and time again. Sometimes there’s music, and sometimes there’s nothing but loss. I think about, us. I try not to. I try to pretend that you don’t exist, but pretending only goes so far. Wish I could talk to you. Wish I could hold you and let you know, but all there is, is this ache in me that prevents me from doing anything at all. Should call you. Should message you, or something. And yet the more I think of you, the more I think about what could have been, and the thought of what could have been just leaves me feeling numb. The snow swirls around the street lights. It dances up and down the road and for a second raises a smile, but then I’m reminded of how cold it is. There’s no destination in mind. This thing just keeps on going. The worst part is that there never seems to be any sense of resolution, either. Not even a flicker. In the distance, the sea makes its noises as do some unseen group of guys heading into town. They shout and snarl so excitedly at the prospect of nailing some sweet ass. There was a time when such follies appealed to me, also. But such lame endeavours lost their appeal years ago.

A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.com

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