Not Very Hip


The waitress boils a pot of tea and fetches a slice of caramel shortbread, a favourite of mine since childhood. The waitress is attractive. Brunette with wholesome hips, though for some reason she doesn’t like me. It’s in her eyes. A silent type of disdain I know all too well. Maybe it’s the beard, or that I’m in a coffee shop ordering tea showing no interest in their finest selection of exotic beans. Not very modern. Not very hip. And she looks hip, which is why she hates me. Sitting down in the corner, I drink my unfashionable cuppa and read a newspaper. Full of shit, it is. Celebrities and white-teethed women from TV with big tits plastered all over its pages along with news regarding the royal wedding and some serial killer plaguing the cobbles of Coronation Street. When I’m done, I walk past the waitress and give her a smile and nod as she takes someone’s order, but she just looks the other way. Outside there’s traffic and kids on their school holidays. Little feral fuckers pinching from stores and heckling those trying to intervene. The sun shines and blinds me but it’s cold and my bones ache. End up popping into a small convenience store and pick up some beer and sweets. Yeah. In my mind I’m still at Uni. My diet has never progressed beyond alcohol and Haribo. Back at mine I cook a frozen pizza and drink another tea while having a cigarette. Blowing smoke out the kitchen window, a cat appears in the garden, dances around in circles for a bit then goes elsewhere. When the pizza’s cooked I eat it on my bed with the tele on. Don’t usually watch it but can’t be bothered to do anything else. When I’m done, I remove my clothes and lie there naked looking up at the ceiling. After clearing my mind, I think of X. I picture her on her belly with the fingers of my right hand spreading her wide as the heels of her feet bounce together. One then two then three of my fingers go in, and the deeper I go, the more she shakes and trembles at my touch until she begs me to give her the real thing. Picturing her tongue and the fullness of her lower lip, her eyes lock onto mine but then Countdown comes on so I sit up and try to prove to myself I’m intelligent by beating the contestants by finding longer words than they do, but I just end up falling asleep.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on

A Journal for Damned Lovers on

32 replies »

  1. I hate newspapers and celebrity filled mags irritate me way more than they should. I do love how you’ve written about them though and love this piece of writing because it was so familiar to me. I was sitting at the next table…I think.

      • Hahaha! Absolutely right. If I had been at the next table and I recognised you, I wouldn’t be able to keep quiet. I’d ask you for your autograph, most likely…😉 x

      • I’m watching a film about Bundy. I’ve seen it 4 times or so, but it’s the Anne Rule one, so it’s the most accurate.

      • Yes! That is great. Next week I am going round to a friend’s house to watch something about Dahmer. My friends have a very morbid interest in my morbid interests.

      • I just checked to see if the film ‘My Friend Dahmer’ is on Amazon but it’s not. I hope it comes out soon. Did you read the graphic novel it’s based on? And there’s a film about Bundy out soon I think. It’s got that young guy in, Zac Efron. Don’t normally have much time for him but he does have that Bundy vibe about him. That good-looking self-assured vibe x

      • Yes, the thing I’m going to see is My Friend Dahmer. It’s probably some pirate thing (the non-Blackbeard type). Haven’t read the novel, but I’m more a factual book kinda gal. I have a lot of time for Zac Efron (bit creepy, I realise) but I do think he’ll be perfect in that role. My pal sent me the link about it months ago on FB, and that’s how the Dahmer film came up too. My pal and I are considering getting long brunette wigs, centre partings, to go and see the Bundy film. 👧

      • You’ll have to let me know what it’s like. I checked on ebay but there’s only foreign copies. Will just have to sit tight and wait for a wider release. I don’t normally do graphic novels, but this one was quite good. Also, while on Amazon it showed there’s a documentary on Prime about Dahmer. Will have to check it out.
        When does the Bundy film come out? I hope they don’t make it twee because Efron is in it x

      • See, I know that Efron can do serious shit too, so I’m sure it won’t be twee. I’ve only got Netflix now. Was delighted to see Deadpool on there. We watched it again the other night. Lots of blood and guts and a fair bit more humour than you get in serial killer movies.

      • I’ve never seen Deadpool, but I’ve just recently acquired Netflix so I’ll put it on my ‘to watch list’. The same with that Mindhunter show. And Dark. And three thousand other things. I watched ‘Barfly’ on there the other week. Very good it was x

      • I watched Mindhunter. I was just pissed off it was the one season haha. There are some things on Netflix that I have started watching, but just could not get into, such as Making a Murderer. When I finally got round to watching it, it did nothing for me. I’ll check out Barfly and Dark.

  2. How interesting it is, that the world still keeps on moving, even though you’d, slowed down your paces, makes you feel like you’re, too miniscule in the world, doesn’t it…

  3. This was an amazing piece of stream-of-consciousness literature, and your power of observation and eye for detail is unique. Brilliant! Absolutely loved it.

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