More Than This

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She kicks the ground and an hour passes just like that. Ain’t no sun today, just grey skies and the nagging feeling that life was meant for other people. Dust swirls around her feet, and as she stands there with both hands plunged into her pockets, she can’t quite decide if it’s a thing of beauty or just a waste of time. These days that should be full of love. These days of passing through, observing those around her, those that seem to have it all figured out. It makes her want to cry, but she tells herself she’s done wasting tears on those who couldn’t care less. She’s got a big beating heart. One of these days it’s gonna beat so hard it’ll shatter every bone in her body. It’ll beat in such a way it will either set her free or drag her down to the flames that plague her dreams. Among the weeds are empty soda cans and crisp packets. Some she hasn’t seen in years. Some she swore she can’t remember seeing since she was a little girl. She kicks the ground again. The dried mud scuffs her shoe causing her to frown. Closing her eyes, she turns her face to where she guesses the sun to be. The clouds don’t give much away. Maybe there are angels up there. Maybe there’s a heaven, and one of these days she’ll leave this place behind. Standing there feeling the faintest trace of warmth on her cheeks, she imagines herself floating with the angels. Imagines something more than this. Sitting down on a bench, she chews the collar of her jacket watching the passing traffic. Some of those sat behind the wheel look up at her, while some don’t see her at all. People going nowhere. Faces that all look the same doing things don’t matter. Stretching out her legs, she notices a slight stain on her jeans, just above the ankle of her right foot. Taking her hand from her pocket, she licks her thumb and rubs the stain until it disappears, only for it to come back again a minute later. Narrowing her eyes, she thinks about wetting it again, but instead leans back and watches the traffic until she gets hungry and it’s time to move on.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com

18 replies »

  1. “She’s got a big beating heart. One of these days it’s gonna beat so hard it’ll shatter every bone in her body. It’ll beat in such a way it will either set her free or drag her down to the flames that plague her dreams”

    Only you could have done this. So so beautiful. xo

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