X is at the fair. She’s eating donuts and licking the sugar from her fingers as the smoke of exploding fireworks obscures the sight of the full moon above. Sniffing the scent of gunpowder in the air, she eyes up all the stalls and the people playing games trying so hard to win cuddly toys and water pistols that’ll end up being neglected the day after tomorrow. Smiling at a young girl throwing darts at a wall of multicoloured balloons, she hangs back hoping the girl wins herself a prize, and when she does, X smiles and takes a photo on her phone of the kid hugging a teddy bear almost as big as herself. Not long after, she too is throwing darts at the wall of balloons, for the temptation of winning a giant teddy was too much to resist, and although at first she fails and stamps her feet out of frustration, she tries again and sure enough wins the prize. Grinning as the guy behind the stall hands her the same looking bear the little girl won, she hugs it tight and sniffs the wiry, golden-brown material. Reminds her of her dad, and the smell of the jumpers he used to wear and how the cotton wool would tickle her nose causing her adolescent self to burst into a frenzy of sneezes that would run into the dozens. Walking past a group of dancing kids, some goofy looking thing with big bunny-like teeth does his best to impress her with his moves. It’s awkward to say the least, but not wanting to be cruel, she goes ahead and dances with him. He can’t be older than twelve, and as he turns to his disbelieving mates not being able to contain his glee, she hitches up her skirt and shows a bit of leg, and well, this kid, his eyes almost pop out of his head, and when she pulls him close and kisses him on the cheek, he blushes bright red as she waltzes off dancing with her bear. Buying a Coke, she decides to take a ride on the Ferris wheel, and as she’s rising into the sky, she can hear the words of Morrissey drifting to her from afar, and as the music makes her feel giddy and the freezing cold Coke slides through the straw down into her throat, she looks at all the people below feeling at one with love and life. Posing for a selfie with her teddy, she beams into the camera, and as the wheel slows and she shines like the lighthouse she is, she wishes she could stay this way forever.

A Journal for Damned Lovers UK

A Journal for Damned Lovers US

Anthology UK / Anthology US