When she’s safely away from the scene of the crime, she removes the hotdog from her pocket. To touch it burns her fingers, but she can’t help herself. The thought of waiting for it to cool down is just preposterous, and keeping hold of the fat, juicy sausage any longer than she has to is out of the question. Pinching one end of it, she leans her head back and opens her mouth as wide as she can, and like the ravenous animal she is, swallows it without it even touching the sides. If she had an audience, those watching would surely be disgusted, for it’s as unladylike as unladylike can be. Feeling her insides burn, she thinks about how the sensation of it sliding down her throat is a bit like giving head. She’s sucked plenty of dick in her life, although she’s never understood why. She doesn’t do it to please, that’s for sure, or for pleasure. No, it’s more to do with feeling as if it’s something she ought to be doing because that’s just what lovers do. She has an impressive gag reflex, and they usually slide all the way down without any trouble at all. Unlike the hotdog, however, there’s never the reward of a pleasant burning sensation in her belly at the end of it, only a queer taste in her mouth and a lingering sensation of shame. Not the shame of being a sexual creature, but of being a sexual creature out of obligation, not out of want. She’s a beautiful girl, and beautiful girls fuck, right? She’d much rather eat hotdogs. And sleep without having to share her limbs with another so that she may enjoy the stillness of the void without interruption.

X and I: A Novel and A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon UK

X and I: A Novel and A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon US