Fingering Thumb

Momentarily closing my eyes as the wind kisses the nape of my neck, there are drunken dreams of a town now left behind by a toll of many years. Down vaguely familiar streets, there are footsteps in soft snow that harden the closer the hours roll into evening. Squinting, I spy a frozen lake in a park not far from my old bedroom window. It swims with hidden sin the way a body shines behind clothes of sand. The lake is the shape of my hands as they caress the air before my malnourished face. Within its frozen nature, there are frozen ducks as dead as the heart of winter. If I squint even harder, visions appear in the lifeless feathers of me peeling an orange in the beer garden of some pub near historical stones worshipped on the longest day of the year. Not Stonehenge. The other one. On the jukebox, 10cc. In my satchel, a well-thumbed copy of The Virgin Suicides adorned with abstract sketches detailing my prolonged descent into madness. The taste of orange is sharp. Even in memory, it sticks to the hairs on my chin and those in my nostrils like pollen in the coat of a bee. In the breeze comes the sounds of drums rolling over fields as far as the eye can see. The moment is gone to all but me, and because of this, I am somewhere next to God. As a gust of wind stirs me from my funk, the leaves from the trees circle my head like tiny birds not long out of the nest but not far from reaching the stars. Swallowing a lungful of smoke, the world becomes a fingering thumb in the wet pussy of the one I love, and as the spits of rain turn to flakes of snow, my journey through life glows with startling clarity on the tip of my frostbitten nose.

X and I: A Novel and A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon UK

X and I: A Novel and A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon US

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s