On the subway in the early hours. Drunk and disorientated and buried beneath a city riddled with ghosts and regret. It’ll soon be Christmas. I’m becoming Scrooge, wondering what became of the moments that left. The kiss of the cold smothers the pinch of summer sun as if it never even existed. You’d think I’d know better by now, but I always forget. Round and round in circles we go, pretending that we’re more than what we are. The whistle of a train blinks red. A billion footsteps, fluttering in my ear like the wings of a moth. As the air is sucked out of my lungs, the years roll by like the thunderous din of the trains either side of me. Everything is grey and monstrous, but amid the crashing waves of Kanagawa, a grin on the breeze is enough to let me know that there are things in this life worth staying alive for. Like a gore video reminding me I’m blessed to have never been on the receiving end of a disembowelling, or the promise of a late-night kiss beneath the stars surrounded by the outlines of those who have walked these streets before. 

X and I: A Novel and A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon UK

X and I: A Novel and A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon US