Author S. K. Nicholas

x and i: a novel

a journal for damned lovers vol 1-3

Anxiety

  • Coming Up for Air

      Memories. Fantasy. Childhood. The denial of the adult world. The in and out that follows a bottle or two of wine that follows a night on the town that follows a trip to the cinema. Striped tights. Blue eyes. Hearts as pupils as black holes as we sink our fingers into popcorn while thinking… Read more

  • Bodies

      As she swirls in circles, I eat fried chicken while trying to figure out the pagan alphabet. She wants me to scrawl certain words onto her torso- words of my choosing she’ll one day turn into tattoos. In four billion years, The Milky Way will merge with the Andromeda galaxy. It’ll be a wonderful sight… Read more

  • Meeting

    Listening to the door below my belly button, he’s convinced it will tell him answers. I tell him he’s on the wrong side and lay my head back down. Looking at the ceiling while petting his head, I ask him to get my name tattooed on his right butt cheek but he shuts that down… Read more

  • Dukkha Days

      Curled on the floor wearing just my dressing gown, I’m silent and without motion. Somewhere in the heavens above there exists enough planets to match the number of atoms in my body. Black stockings. Black lipstick. Near infinite fields of view with you reclining on a deck chair while nude and whispering my middle name. Ghostbusters… Read more

  • 3

      Messy rooms. Umbilical cords. Flowers in a vase that symbolise a desire to make love against a tide that just won’t quit. Moths. Underwear. Books as portraits as kisses as fucking. Your favourite worst memory? Your first sexual experience? The first time you drank to block out the tedium of your ever-so-samey life? Identity.… Read more

  • 2

      We wait in our room for the war to be over. We spoon beneath a hidden moon on a lake of frozen ice. From time to time it snows. From time to time we change our minds. Sometimes we’re lovers, enemies, strangers. Mostly a mixture of all three. When we fuck, she makes me… Read more

  • 1

      Bare-footed in a field of corn. Crushed flowers beneath toes that taste of marzipan. It could be fantasy, or maybe yesterday. You in a dress with a waist that fits the shape of my hands. You with shaved legs so smooth it’s like kissing silk. Candles. Yasmine. Absinth. Let the water run down our… Read more

  •   Cold mornings of bus journeys and sandwiches bought from Sainsbury’s. I wanted chicken, but they only had cheese and onion. Don’t like cheese and onion. She bought us one each as I waited outside smoking a cigarette even though it was too cold and I was hungover. When she handed it to me, I… Read more

  • You Hide Away your Love

      You hide away your love despite painting yourself as a lover. You say you know what it feels like, but all you know is what it’s like to paint a picture that isn’t real. As you part the curtains and look out across the city, you remember how it used to be, and yet… Read more

  • The Ride

      She drives. I sit and smoke. She tells me to put it out. Or else? Or else you don’t get none. Meh. Meh? Yeah, meh. I’m not in the loving mood, I say. So what mood are you in? She’s ready to come right back at me with some kinda put down but I’m tired of life… Read more