Changes

changes

I told them I’ll be leaving at the end of April. Three and half years since I started working there. I couldn’t stand it any longer. Dead end jobs have been my forte. I mean, with writing being my main aspiration in life, the places I’ve worked haven’t bothered me that much, but there comes a point when you need to move on. The routine grinds you down. The endless repetition with no reward. It’s so easy to fall into that trap. Stuck on repeat, you do the same things without even realising it. Shit jobs make you a better person though. They show you that you’re worth more, and they test your resolve. The trick is to get out once you’ve learned your lesson and not stay there for no other reason than not knowing what to do next. I don’t want a good job. A job wont make me happy, people and writing do that for me. The day I get my book written will be the day that makes me feel gold inside and out. And the days when someone compliments my words, well those are worth their weight a thousand times over. This is all just transitory. We’re on a journey with no boundaries. There’s no celebration guns at the end of it. It’s not a race neither. It’s all about understanding. Learning from your mistakes and finding the truth, whatever that may be to each and every one of us. Money plays a part, but money can’t buy me love, nor can it give me the answers that I desperately seek to find. One minute your’e here, and the next you’re not. Comfort kills like cancer. Every once in a while we need to do something to mix things up. Some may call those decisions reckless, but you need that element of danger in life to push you forwards. The times of great discovery have always come when I’ve been on the brink of despair. Or those moments when I’ve been out of control with no idea what will happen to me next.

Don’t be fearful of the future, just be thankful that you’ve made it this far. Others come and go when they deserved to stick around for much longer. It’s not fair, but it’s just the way it is. If you’ve got a gift you’ve got to push for it. Despite the criticism you’ll receive, just get on with chasing those dreams. Three and a half years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, yet it’s also a substantial chunk of a persons life. To think of all the things that have happened to me in that time. All those mistakes and regrets. Those months upon months when I couldn’t write a thing. Those times when I became comatose. Working during the day, drinking beer and playing computer games during the night. No words. No books. No thoughts. Just being numb without knowing it. The beer is still here, yet now I see with open eye. My life is a mess of many things, yet staying true to what I believe in is the driving force. All those unknown pleasures. That fear of mortality. The idea that I might not be good at this at all. All in all is what we are. I’m not a good person, and nor am I bad. I’ve done plenty to be ashamed of, and I’m far too lazy for my own good. Yet my intent is there for all to see. My integrity natural like the trees. I’m an underachiever, yet I’m doing things my own way. Putting yourself out on a limb is a lonely thing indeed. Believing in the unseen, it can leave you looking like a fool. Whilst others enjoy success, you’re still searching for the right tools. Yet your time will come. Could be tomorrow. Could be long after you’re gone. You’ve just got to do what’s right for you. That’s the key.

7 replies »

  1. Comfort kills like cancer. Every once in a while we need to do something to mix things up. Some may call those decisions reckless, but you need that element of danger in life to push you forwards. The times of great discovery have always come when I’ve been on the brink of despair. Or those moments when I’ve been out of control with no idea what will happen to me next. ———- Amen.

    Enjoyed and identified. Thank you.

  2. Wow. This post blew me away. We share the same thoughts on success. This is just what I needed; an affirmation that what I’m doing is right for me. The hard part now is to keep writing despite the continual drag of my boring job. 🙂

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