Celestial Despair

Should be strong. Should be calm and serene, yet this mess of a man is anything but. Wish I could be natural, but the words fail me. Just want to be safe. Just want someone to wrap their arms around this broken mind and body. Keep me from harm. Save me from drowning in endless eternity. The hardest road is the one that you were born to walk. The days do their best to bring you down. They smother you with comfort. They whisper into your ear that you’ll only end up failing if you try. Don’t bother. Be ordinary instead. Speak like everyone else. Follow in the footsteps of a million other braindead cunts. Destroyed by evil, but born again with every smile. Forgive and be free. Be kind. An underachiever. A liar and a lover of mischief. Haunted by the stars, and by man’s inhumanity to man. Slaughter on every corner, yet the warmth of simple touch still wins me over. Maybe I’m evil after all. Maybe there’s nothing left worth saving. You try to be good but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Drink to numb the loss. Forget so that you may never feel again. Not apathy, just chemical. One day I’ll surf that beach, I’ll become what I was always destined to become. Either you stand by me or you don’t. The hostile noise of doubt, it never seems to cease. My fury ill at ease with my surroundings. Others know for sure, but I’m just courting illness for kicks. Such a bastard. Such a cruel beast who’ll never learn. But love can save me. These words I keep locked up, they can fulfil my dreams like no other. The darkest nights don’t control me, they just push me further towards the light. Anxiety holds no meaning. The air in my lungs, it’s the only thing I need. Vision. Purity. A desire for creation. Don’t hate my silence. It’s not indifference, it’s just the way I cope with a world I can’t control. Breathe in and be vigilante. Be pure. Hold my hand and trust me. There’s nothing else. 

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