Cheap Wine & Something Something

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Her body in various positions. Dreams of setting fire to all my yesterdays; visions of letting go and floating to a nearby galaxy as she searches for me in the dark. I wake every morning adamant that never again will I put pen to paper. It has to be done. No more struggle- I admit defeat. Give me a woman to fuck for the next fifty years and a job that pays enough so I can take holidays and forget about myself. This bullshit isn’t worth it- I demand nothing other than being submerged in culture. Knock me down. Cut me to pieces and blow out my brains. Let me chew her nipples and slip my fingers in. Let me take her so I can forget how fucking useless this all is. Hangovers and memories that never seem to shift. Dead-ends with every gaze. A lack of substance in absolutely everything. Scratching skin with broken glass, the taste of her mouth brings only disdain. To make her mine- to destroy beauty- it’s the only thing that keeps me going. But my threats are empty, they always are. Sucking cigarettes wishing for civil war. Knocking back glasses of cheap wine remembering how it felt to abuse her trying to justify my own ends. All that have followed have been in her image. She is the sun, and I am the moon. She is the ocean, and I am the night. There’s something I want to say, but the words never seem to fit the emotions that erode my senses. They dance out of my grasp, and so the war rages on.

15 replies »

  1. Why the desire to destroy Beauty? For none live up to that One? I wake with these same feelings, and yet we are still here. Still going, still bleeding out. Let us keep going together and hold each other up by our stupid heart strings until there really is nothing left but chewed up nipples, and simple hope, followed by a sillier dream. Your poems are always beautiful, painful, and they set me to thinking.

    • I guess I have a love/hate relationship with beauty, the physical kind at least. Inner beauty is wonderful- that’s a given- but surface beauty always troubles me. It draws me in, but I can’t help but feeling it’s all so pointless. A soul is overwhelming but a smile can deceive and fade so quickly. I hope we keep dreaming though. Thank you for your kind words; I’m glad I gave you something to think about 🙂 x

      • You always do. Thank-you for explaining your thoughts more in depth. May you find a soul where her Beauty is universal, on both sides.

      • Of course I realize most of our writings are left to the reader to come up with their own interpretations, but this seemed a recurrent theme of yours so I wondered. My soul is well today. If my night ends with chocolate and a massage, I will be happy. 🙂 You are never a grump btw. Just a lover, and one who tries to make sense of it all, which I relate to.

      • I guess I always feel quite guilty that I feel attracted to people while writing about how important the beauty of the soul is. It makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Well I hope you get what you wish for 🙂 And I hope you feel inclined to put pen to paper as well!

      • We are all basic creatures in our most simple form. That’s how we’ve evolved to where we are now. We had to find each other attractive, right? As I age (this year is killing me) it becomes more evident that worshiping the soul is what the goal is. Though I still lust after a hot body, just like the rest of us. I feel inclined, for now, but it is a very painful process at times as you know. Personally, I’m trying to figure out how to stop hurting all the time.

      • You’re right. For me, too many relationships are built on superficial levels. Simple pleasures for simple minds. Yet those simple pleasures can be so hard to deny. I’ve purposefully taken a step back from relationships since my last one ended. My writing has come first, and for the time being, that’s where my energies lie. Yet it can be a lonely road at times. I hope that maybe today you will feel a little better and more at ease. Give yourself a treat and ignore everything else x

      • Sounds like a good plan for you, perhaps in time you will have more clarity and less pieces. I will take your advice for today. Thanks my friend. ❤

  2. “She is the sun, and I am the moon. She is the ocean, and I am the night. There’s something I want to say, but the words never seem to fit the emotions that erode my senses. ” That is an intense love; hopefully one that will cause the war to cease.

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