Circles of Hell

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One hundred drunken words. One hundred women that were never mine. At work, I daydream oblivious to those around me. I imagine a life where you don’t have to bleed to companies and organizations to simply exist. It’s fantasy, but it shouldn’t have to be. The days are cold, but soon it will be Spring, and the warmer weather will see an improvement in my moods. Winter drains the life out of me, and every year it gets worse. Maybe one day I’ll make some money and move to a sunnier climate. Maybe America, but I don’t like flying, and the spiders out there are too big. Or maybe I’ll become a fabulous drunk and time will simply cease to exist. In what season is it best to die? What day of the week is it best to leave this mortal coil behind? I want to go in my sleep on a Thursday- the day I was born. Probably March, but never July. Let me fall into the arms of a beautiful woman- let me go out in the middle of one of those dreams that make you never want to wake. I’m unaware of everything that doesn’t fit into my way of seeing things. I want Natalie Portman to give me a handjob while showering me with kisses; I want her to speak to me in French about the sea. Maybe the sounds of birdsong also. Nightshifts. Dayshifts. Writing. Beer. Wine. Her body at arms length; a smile that exists for a hundredth of a second. Blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s there if you catch it in time. She’s so lovely, but I, however, am not.

19 replies »

  1. Ha, Natalie Portman, great taste my friend. I don’t like flying either and I also get “funny” in winter, having to fight darkness figuratively and literally – another short but powerful piece x

    • Thank you πŸ™‚ I’m glad you agree about Natalie Portman. ‘Black Swan’ is a personal favorite of mine. The last time I was in a plane I spent the entire time convinced it was going to crash into the sea. Having an active imagination can be a real pain at times! x

      • Black Swan was amazing, the first time I saw it, I hardly took anything in because I was blinded by Natalie’s face…so beautiful, in a classical kind of way, and I’m not even someone who prizes physical beauty…I mean, I do… but looks turn to dust for me if the personality and brain aren’t there with it. Similarly, somebody might not possess any of the physical attributes required to be considered attractive, but if they have brains and personality, then they are quickly going to become irresistibly hot in my eyes. Anyway, Nat looks gorgeous and she has brains too πŸ˜‰
        Last time I was on a plane I had an awful horribly public panic attack, I really did think we were going to crash, horrific, so I know what you mean. And now I’m going to shut up πŸ˜‰ x

      • When I worked in a book shop while I was studying at uni, I used to have this fantasy where she’d approach my counter on the first floor and ask me out on a date. It was the only thing that helped working alone with a hangover every Sunday. As you can tell, it never came true. She even looked beautiful with no hair in ‘V for Vendetta’. I had a mild panic attack on a bus once. There was this kid with big ears that kept trying to talk to me. Had to get off in the middle of nowhere in the rain. Good times! X

      • Aw, how nice that you had your little fantasy to while away the time on Sundays πŸ˜‰
        And, er…weird story! Most of my panic attacks have been induced by nothing in particular, although, touch wood, I haven’t had one in a while. But they just come out of the blue, in the street if I’m unlucky, ugh!

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