Shapeless Nights

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Numb to others, the landscape blurs past the window as lights shimmer like cats eyes in the distance, but I’m too tired to find them beautiful. Catching a handful of air as the car speeds like the shadow of a bullet, all I want is to eat junk food and take hour-long baths. To submerge myself in warm water as the outside world consumes itself like a cancer. I remember bits and pieces of what it was like before the words came, but most of it’s now lost. Things were easier, though, they always are when you have your head buried in the sands of stupid time. To just exist is blissful, and despite the wonders of self-expression that followed, I long for those days when there was nothing more than going to work and getting laid in the evenings. Picnics and long walks that stretched forever into those balmy summer nights. Things were straightforward, that much is for sure, but what’s the point in reminiscing? Such days are gone, replaced by those that have been threatening to emerge for so long. In many ways I wish they hadn’t, but it’s useless trying to deny what has been searching for me my entire life. All I ever wanted was to belong, but the more these words dance before my eyes, the more I stand alone. How difficult it gets at times, and the only thing I can do is keep pushing for which will inevitably escape me. As the factories are drenched in a sudden downpour, a song plays on the radio that reminds me of my childhood. Sat in McDonald’s with my parents some Sunday afternoon, there’s a girl next to me with long brown hair. She smiles, and as our eyes meet, everything is fine. Colouring in her dress with a crayon, I make her my queen, and as we speak in a language not known, I remember how effortlessly pure those words spilled from our innocent mouths. I’ve been searching for her ever since.

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