Cats + Journal + Words



Honey the cat was hanging around work today, so I purchased a sausage from the canteen and gave it to her as a treat. Taking it outside to the smoking shelter, I tore it in half and waited for her while sipping a cup of tea and having a smoke. Appearing a few minutes later, she ran to me from behind a tree and was rewarded for her efforts. Sinking her teeth in, she drooled all over my fingers as I fed it to her by hand. She enjoyed it tremendously; I only hope it didn’t make her sick after. These early starts are disagreeable to me, yet there are worse things in life, so I won’t moan. But still, waking up at 4:30 am? That’s the time I’ve spent most of my life going to bed. Every other fucker on the street is asleep, and I’m stumbling around trying to get ready for work in ten minutes flat. Still, it pays the bills. The other day I overslept by two hours; it was amazing. Waking refreshed without a hangover is a novelty to me, and I don’t think they’ll ever be a day when it wears off. Work on ‘Damned Lovers’ is taking shape nicely, and the editing period is rewarding. Sitting at 90k words, it’s tight and purposeful, and when it comes out it should be a solid read. Maybe I’ll carry a copy around with me and thrust it into the faces of beautiful women and beg them to sleep with me. I don’t think I’ll have much success, but I’m sure there’s always an outside chance. Not that my motivation for writing has anything to do with getting laid, but, y’know, I’m just a beast like the rest of them. I’ve been thinking a lot about the novel recently as well. Haven’t touched the thing in the five months since editing begun on the journal, but I sense it’s nearly time to pick it up again. I’m a different person from the one that worked on it before. My rage is no less potent, but it’s more focused than it used to be. There’s been a change in me this past year. My ability to work the word has improved, and so has my understanding of what it takes to reach people. I’m still a failure, but less so than I’m used to being. Others have tried persuading me to leave my writing behind, to push me in the direction of social acceptance, but I’m glad I never listened. Such a stupid fool I know, but I’m honest and free, and that’s all I want.

11 replies »

  1. it’s just past 4:30 am while reading this for me, so I kinda know the feeling you describe.

    I like the way you are able to look forward while also remembering what has come before. There is a lot of strength in your words and I am sure you will manage to write and complete your novel if it will be anything like this.

    Credit where it is due, you have inspired me, so thank you for that.

    • I’m overwhelmed you feel as though I’ve inspired you. And I’m touched that you find strength in my words. I guess it’s all about determination, and how much we want something. I hope you stay strong and keep craving what you want most. Thank you X

  2. Don’t thrust it in their faces, read it to them instead. If you’re up for that. Just a thought. Way to go, you’re almost there! 🙂

  3. You are so not a failure, how could you be when you’re honest and free? I think you should definitely throw Damned Lovers in the face of beautiful women, if anybody had thrown what is sure to be a great piece of work in my face a few years back, I would have have instantly become their queen and slave…provided they had good hair as well. I am not into looks but for some reason, hair is important to me, and I’ve found that it’s usually lacking in this country. In Europe they care much more about such things. But, I digress! 😉
    It’s good to find you sounding positive and determined, keep at it, you’ll get there 🙂 ❤

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