All of Me

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As she’s lying on her side recalling the faces of everyone she’s ever slept with, I’m stood looking out the window imagining what it would feel like to be on the other side of the horizon. All those lights that shimmer as they’ve done so many times over the years, and not once have I taken the plunge to see where they could take me. Watching over her as she struggles with her neurosis, I’m tempted to offer sympathy, but because she’s got her mind on others, I let her suffer in silence. Such cruelty when compassion and forgiveness are needed most, but her sins are none of my concern. Opening the window and sticking my head out, the evening air is warm and balmy. It reminds me of my youth, and the time I discovered alcohol. The empty streets touching the darkened sky in every direction, things are much the same as they’ve always been, only now I’m more focused on what matters most. Others come and go, and although they have a way of touching my heart, they don’t touch me how they used to. People are bemusing, and the more I understand them, the less they mean to me. Lighting a smoke while hunched up as far away from her as possible, the stars glisten like grains of sand, and that’s pretty much what they are. It’s what we all are- just pieces of dust. How is it possible to attribute meaning to such a meaningless existence? How can they feel as if they’re achieving something when we know so little about what’s out there? Imagining a future where I become untethered from all that ties me to this place, a wry smile runs across my lips. This isn’t what I’m here for, and the more I embrace the idea, the quicker things will happen.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.comΒ 

35 replies »

  1. Reading this makes me want to indulge in thoughtful retrospection. I loved it, to say the least.

    “Others come and go, and although they have a way of touching my heart, they don’t touch me how they used to. People are bemusing, and the more I understand them, the less they mean to me.”
    I really can connect to every word here, every emotion. Beautiful work, as always. It’s like, reading your pieces complete my days. Thank you.

  2. One day you’ll just disappear, turn into a Supernova, and become the brightest star in the sky. I’m becoming more and more convinced. I’ll be on the lookout. ❀

  3. Amazing – I did cringe when you said “all pieces of dust” because I often think of people that way and circumstances that are inconsequential to me that may be of importance to others. Bravo. Well written.

  4. holy crap! my heart was pounding so hard by the time i got to the ending or actually seemed like the end i believe its your beginning! damn! im gona read that again!

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