She oscillates. She menstruates. And yet never at the same time. Occasionally, when I’m not looking, she inspects her ladyparts in a small mirror. I’m not sure why. Is this what women do? What are they looking for? I must find out, but right now I’m watching some bullfighter get his eye gouged out on some dubious internet site. When the camera zooms in you can see the horn go in at the temple and then come out smack bang through the guy’s eye socket. Laughing at the fucker as he’s whisked out of (further) harms way, she asks me what I’m watching. When I shrug my shoulders and say nothing, she snatches the phone from out of my hands. Appalled by what she sees, she goes to the corner of the room and begins inspecting herself again. She thinks I can’t see her because of the clothes horse that’s in the way, but I can see everything. Sneaking out to the bathroom, I pull back my foreskin and wash it in the sink. When it’s clean, I pop to the shop across the road and buy some wine. The Asian lady whose husband owns the place is behind the counter. When I go to pay, she tells me to take a bar of chocolate for free. I pick a Whisper. She always does this, but I never take it for granted. Thanking her for being so kind, I slip it into my jacket pocket and leave. Later in the evening, we’re watching the third Halloween film. She falls asleep right at the beginning but halfway through wakes up when I light a cigarette. She’s feeling horny, but I want to watch the film because I’ve never seen it before. She complains, but when I fetch her some ice cream, she mellows out. The film really impresses me, and I immediately go on Facebook to let people know how impressed I am, Instagram, too. When it finishes, she turns off the TV and then the light. What interests me most are her breasts. With my mouth on her nipple, I do my best to make her come, and although it takes a while, in the end, I succeed. With my fingers deep inside of her, I find the exact place that makes her tick and work it. I work it like a magician. Pulling my hair, she kicks her legs and then lies there motionless. Sniffing my fingers, she laughs before kissing me on the cheek.