Alien Loop

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Take a stroll while chain-smoking. Swallow some wine and brace yourself against the wind and rain. There are doorways. There are holes that take you places known and unknown. There are pathways that exist as they did back in your youth but not as they do now. Fallen logs that hang around for decades now no more than ashes. Buildings that once spoke to you of what it meant to be alive now in a state of non-existence never to be reversed. And yet the arrow of time is broken and always has been. It means next to nothing, which is why your kiss is still with me, right where it belongs. A dead cigarette is flung into the air and stays there for several seconds before dropping into a puddle. We all die, but some die sooner than others. Someone said that to me the other day. They blamed nature. They were quite insistent. I was impressionable and easy to impress. Sometimes I do my best and try to care, and then I remember how it’s all so meaningless, and that’s the end of it. There’s drinking and silence, and plenty of it. Long periods of memory and false recollections. And then the animal within rises to the surface and the taste of blood is on my lips once more. Lust. Fertility. Women and sport. Rolling tobacco and melting asphalt even though it’s so cold and your bones shiver next to mine. Blink your eyes and wash it away. Suck on my scent and kneel at your altar. Leaves tumble through the gutter as the trees that once held them pretend not to care, in the same way that animals pretend not to speak. They are picked up by a gust of wind and dance for a few seconds before scattering in every direction. No one sees the moment save for me, and for this, I feel blessed. But those around keep their heads down. They choose not to see, because it’s easier that way.

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk

A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com

10 replies »

  1. “Rolling tobacco and melting asphalt even though it’s so cold and your bones shiver next to mine. Blink your eyes and wash it away.”

    “Blink your eyes and wash it away.” This blog feels so sad to me and this line is beautiful.

  2. “There are doorways.” weird story about that line, which reminds me of a jim morrison quote. i explored an abandoned part of an old city in some mountains of NJ. we didn’t think anyone was living there, only some old photographs i refused to take thinking they’d be bad luck to remove (i know, oddly mystical of me.) but as soon as we went upstairs, it was like the fucking texas chainsaw massacre for real, minus the gore, with all of the creepy. this shit had weird wigs, baby clothes, dirty mattresses…. i noticed on the way out, there was a quote written on the kitchen cupboard: “there are doors.” and this was also an EVP a friend of mine had supposedly picked up at some abandoned location. why is this so long? MEAD. i thought a cancer might like the ghost story. very nice with the futility of life (i am a recent believer in eternal recurrence and the oscillating model, which is what i perceived in the title ‘alien loop’), and i think that’s why he named his band that.

    “There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors.””

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