Her belly be bloated. Bloated like a pufferfish. She kicks her legs and growls at me. She hisses and calls me cruel. Calls me a beast. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I look up at the ceiling at the cracks. The cracks that spread in the hot weather like the feet of a spider. Cursing me for being so neglectful, she wraps herself in a blanket and refuses to have anything to do with me. Trying to unwrap her, she shrinks in on herself leaving me empty-handed. Little bitch, I huff. Deciding to grab a beer, I go into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I pick my poison, and to make things even more poisonous, I light a smoke and hobble out into the garden. It’s hot. Hot enough to burn my pale skin. Standing there with my face turned to the sun, I down my beer then toss the bottle onto the grass. Within a few seconds, insects fly around it and make it their own. From upstairs I can hear her singing. She’s come out of her nest of sheets and is stamping her feet on the floorboards in defiance. Chucking my cigarette into a bed of flowers, I run inside and launch myself up the stairs as quick as I can. Lunging into the bedroom, she shrieks at my appearance and tries to cover herself. Giggling as she gives it her best shot, I loom over her and snatch away the covers. She tries kicking me but I tickle her feet and she begs me to stop. Digging my fingers into her flesh, she snorts and rolls around on her belly desperately trying to avoid me, but I’m all over her. I’m going to piss myself if you don’t stop! All red in the face she screeches like a banshee. She growls at me but I keep tickling her until she gasps and throws herself off the bed before scurrying into the bathroom. You made me piss myself! Letting out a belly laugh, I fall to the floor as she cusses me from behind the bathroom door. Just you wait! She’ll get me back good and proper, I know she will, but for the time being, I lie there smiling to myself, so proud and sleepy and dare I say it, ever so slightly aroused. When she comes back, I let her see what’s going on, and just like that, she moves in for the kill.