Journal
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Insects in her belly. They scuttle, always biting. Itching. There’s nothing secret about an abundance of insects. There’s nothing lovely about the horrors of nature just out of view. Behind the curtains of flesh, the terror of bone is forever. Muscle and cartilage, stretching and breaking in childbirth. They sound like the calling of Read more
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Have a shower. Strip off them worn clothes, and feel the water that eases aching bones. Stand there in silence, cleansed of sin and work. Wash that beard. Run those fingers through greasy hair. Grab those balls, and say sorry to all the unborn children that never had a chance. It’s still summer, but it Read more
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They diagnosed my father with cancer today. He told me calmly. His voice strong, his body a little weaker than it had been a few months ago. It’s in his mouth, a tumour he at first thought was an ulcer. It hasn’t spread, but it’s there. That’s what forty cigarettes a day for three decades Read more
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What scares me most; the horrors of the outside world, or what’s inside my head. They’re both pretty damned to be fair. Bad things happen to good people, but it should never be a reason to stop before you’ve even begun. Just because the path you’re walking is an unusual one, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t Read more
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I can’t remember their names, although the scent of their hair still lingers. Ten nights spent alone with beer and lusty women. Images of deprivation. Bodies the likes of which you’d never want to see again. Luminous eyes glistening with dead desire. Guitars to serenade lost failures. Picture frames blessed with every bout of nauseous despair I Read more
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Should be strong. Should be calm and serene, yet this mess of a man is anything but. Wish I could be natural, but the words fail me. Just want to be safe. Just want someone to wrap their arms around this broken mind and body. Keep me from harm. Save me from drowning in endless Read more
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Drinking beer while rain pisses down outside. Eating rice noodles and pretending it’s the end of the world. I want to be utterly alone- to swim in the pleasures of solitude. My bed contains all of my fears. It cuts me into pieces every time I fall asleep. Stomach cramps and indigestion. Interstellar boredom as Read more
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God knows we try. The lonesome souls that swim in love and acne scars. A face beneath warm blankets. An embrace that goes beyond time and space. It’s something in the taste of fresh sea air. The distant calling of love that lingers in the breeze. It betrays us so easily. The music of my Read more
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We worship killers and lizards. Pig shooters on the cusp of dawn. Breathtaking displays of impotence. Read the book of the moon and decipher what it means to be alone. Kiss with lips empty. You can travel the world yet you can never escape the person you’re destined to become. Shaped by others and shaped Read more
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All that booze. All those infinite bottles of moderate poison. Beer and cigarettes. Drunken wonders whilst completely out of control. The Nanking Massacre whilst we cry over misplaced words. The places I should never have set foot in. The lovers I let down whilst too submerged with my own pointless grief. Writers block. Lifeless daydreams. Read more
Author S. K. Nicholas 