Full Dark

mental

It’s full dark. The city sleeps alone. A movie plays without sound. The stars burn along with a cigarette as somewhere out there, all my lovers dance in unison. The past isn’t dead. It’s waiting for my touch once more. Beyond oak trees blanketed by midnight wonder, the ones I’ve loved speak to me of all my failures. They curse my indifference, and they yearn for the one who can be so tender. They’ve all fallen foul to my ways. They’ve all been neglected as I’ve continued my search for that which remains hidden. The great beyond, so tangible yet completely out of my grasp. Secrets on a whim, and beauty in the stillness of loneliness. So lowly have I crawled, yet everything happens for a reason. It’s all eventual, whether we like it or not. I’m cruel. Selfish. A monster who takes what he wants. I’m a boy trapped in the adult world, desperately seeking a way out. Don’t hate me. I meant every last word. Every action was heartfelt. Every moment beside you an act of rebellion in the face of death. This magic delirious, it suffocates so easily. Every last breath, and every last touch as you send me to oblivion each time I close my eyes. The horrors of miscommunication. The foolish pretence of trying to fit in. Days spent in bed not moving, only thinking of history. All those unseen paths, those fragments of being no one else ever got close to. This is an act, a performance without boundaries. Sacrifice to soothe guilt. Don’t hate me baby, just sit back and enjoy the ride. From heartburn to heartbreak, these days spent swimming in the abyss. They shine like a light when so many stumble without a cause. Don’t fear the reaper. Don’t say a word. No need to be afraid, only stars where denial once was. Only the sense of something else out of the corners of our desperate eyes.

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